BERKELEY, Calif.  — In a difficult-to-parse Twitter rant posted earlier today, Berkeley quarterback Chase Garbers came out against both COVID testing and, for some reason, English finals. 

“I’m not gonna take any test, not COVID, and not that scary-as-fuck English final either,” Garbers followed up in an Instagram live stream. “I mean did you read the syllabus? ‘Demonstrate five instances of tautology in Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy.’ What the fuck is a tautology? Literally all I know about it is that tautology is tautology. Anyway, this university is ridiculous. First they expect you to pretend to read 1984, then they try to live it out, I think. I don’t really know, I haven’t read it yet.”

NFL Quarterback and Cal Alumni Aaron Rodgers weighed in on Chase’s tweets.

“I’m glad he’s *cough* speaking out against forced *cough* testing,” Rodgers choked out in an interview about his prior controversial COVID interview. “I’m against all mainstream forms of disease protection and fully understand why a quarterback would be scared to play a team called the Trojans. While some say that he, like me, is putting the future of his career in jeopardy, I think he has a fighting chance to win the axe in the future, or at least get axed from the team. Afterall, a losing start of 0-24 to COVID is practically nothing compared to what Cal is used to.“”

At press time, like Garbers’ predecessor Aaron Rogers, Cal’s upcoming football game against USC was cancelled.  

Image courtesy of Wikipedia


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