Classmate Using Copious Amount of Buzzwords Actually Swarm of Bees in Suit

Rising to the press podium, emeritus Professor Gordon Frankie divulged the chief attribute revealing Waxman to be a swarm of bees: their fondness for buzzwords. 
“Waxman’s fatal flaw is that their classmate caught on to their penchant for buzzwords. Sure, every Berkeley student falls back on ‘discourse’ and ‘dichotomy’ once in a while, but Waxman’s use was egregious; who says ‘Honey, I’m combing through your beeliefs, and (h)I’ve got to tell you, there’s not one argument for being pro-polis.’”

Pope Francis Announces Beer is Now Jesus’ Blood and So Is Pink Whitney

“Miei cari amici, the Cardinals and I have deliberated, and have decided on a modernizing reform for communion. Whereas historically, we have considered only vinum to be sanguis Christi, we were forced to re-read the text for our R1A requirement, and we realize that really, ‘wine’ just referred to any alcoholic ferment – so we’re extending communion to include beer, and even Pink Whitney too.

BREAKING: The Clitoris Found on Wuhu Island After Years of Hiding

WUHU ISLAND, Pacific Ocean – In a press conference today, Interpol announced that they had located The Clitoris, identified in hiding on Wuhu Island. 

“It took a several-years-long effort by many of our top investigators,” relayed Interpol Chief, Dev Inatili-Aman, “but we found it. It was hiding in a cave in [Inatili-Aman is interrupted by snickers from the reporters]. What? What’s so funny?” 

Lost Your Clipper Card? Here’s  4 Phone Numbers We Called That Told Us To Fuck Ourselves

2. The Student Transportation Office: (510) 643-7701
Don’t be fooled by the name– like Voltaire said, “This office is neither for students, nor transportation, nor an office.” There is no telling what response you’ll get – they might replace your lost card, but not without a $25 fee that completely negates the notion of a free bus pass. And if you complain? There’s a tried and true response that they’re not afraid to roll out: “go fuck yourself.”