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Posted on May 14, 2022 by: Shane Pauker

Crowd Cheers as Acoustic Guitar Players Fight for Dominance of the Glade

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Tag: tohar zamir

Posted on April 27, 2022April 27, 2022 by: amychakladar

Twitter Now Owned by The Free Peach After We Got It for Free on the App Store

BERKELEY, Calif. — In a surprise twist of surprising events, the social media platform “Twitter” is under new management after The Free Peach purchased it …

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Posted on April 21, 2022 by: toharzamir

BREAKING: Everybody Knows You’re High Right Now

BERKELEY, Calif. – Dude, bad news–everyone can totally tell that you’re higher than Leonardo DiCaprio’s personal maximum for age gaps right now. Yes dude, I’m …

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Posted on April 12, 2022 by: toharzamir

Self-Proclaimed Meninist Believes It’s Short for Marxist-Leninist

BERKELEY, Calif. — Bewilderment permeated the students of UC Berkeley as the latest flyer shoved into their hands by Speak Out Socialists boldly stated “MENINISTS …

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Posted on April 6, 2022 by: toharzamir

As Gasoline Prices Soar, Should I Stop Huffing It? Our Experts Say No.

The price of gasoline has skyrocketed in recent days, burning a weirdly irresistible smelling hole in consumers’ wallets. I have been particularly hard-hit; no, I …

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Posted on March 28, 2022 by: Valmic Mukund

Will Smith Finally Tired of Other Men Screaming Out His Wife’s Name

LOS ANGELES — At this year’s Academy Awards, Will Smith open-hand smacked Chris Rock in an attempt to defend his much-publicized marriage to actress Jada …

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Posted on March 19, 2022 by: toharzamir

End of an Era: Carol Christ’s Voice Actor Has Been Fired

BERKELEY, Calif.—Shock and heartbreak swept through the City of Berkeley as UC Regents announced that Carol Christ’s longstanding voice actor, Eden Zalahmi, will not be …

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Posted on March 16, 2022March 16, 2022 by: anniebushh

BREAKING: River Of Scum Oozes Out of Haas Business School (Also, Water Line Broke)

BERKELEY, Calif.–On Monday, Berkeley students found themselves in an unfortunate predicament: an enormous flood of shit, normally contained within the delicate, expensive doors of the …

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Posted on March 12, 2022 by: toharzamir

OPINION: I’m Not Gaslighting You, I’m Just Lying

Hey babe, I saw the rant you posted to your finsta story, and I had no idea you thought I was gaslighting you. The truth …

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Posted on March 3, 2022 by: toharzamir

Supply Chain in Crisis After My Friend’s Fake Got Folded

BERKELEY, Calif.–In an unprecedented shock to the undergrad economy, the goody-two-shoes bouncer at Cornerstone folded my friend’s fake. “The ramifications for the free trade of …

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Posted on February 15, 2022 by: toharzamir

Evans Demolished to Make Way for Mega Yali’s

BERKELEY, Calif.— The University of California announced this week forthcoming plans to raze the LEGO set with only puke colored pieces known as Evans Hall, …

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