BERKELEY, Calif. – According to sources on the Free Peach, accomplished and popular writer Tom Wickline has his schedule open all day this Saturday. This comes as a shock to the general public, as Wickline is known for always having cool and interesting things to do and also being cool and popular. 

“He’s such a nice boy,” Wickline’s mother attested. “He’s a little shy, but is very kind and sweet once you get to know him. It’s a shame that he doesn’t seem to make many friends.” 

One thing’s for sure, Wickline actually does make so many friends, and they are also just as cool as he is! Our team doesn’t even know what Mom was even talking about.

“Yeah, uh, I guess he’s fine—I don’t really know him that well, he just always sits by me in class and tries to make small talk,” Wickline’s best friend, Cal freshman Roy Beard, stated. “I feel bad, he keeps calling me his best friend but we’ve literally never spent time together outside of class. Wait, what’s this for again?”

Classic Roy, always making funny jokes! According to our sources, not only is Wickline incredibly successful and beloved, he can also run really fast and do a cartwheel. It’s no wonder everyone wants to be him!

For anyone interested in hanging out with Cal’s #1 coolest and most popular guy, be sure to message @tom.wickline, or just come by whenever! For more unbiased journalism, be sure to follow @thefreepeach. 

Please be my friend.

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