BERKELEY, Calif. — UC Berkeley’s College of Engineering garnered criticism this week upon the release of a diversity pamphlet featuring only one woman, albeit in six different costumes.

“I don’t really see the problem,” E25 GSI Drew Andrews admitted. “There’s, like, a bunch of girls — I mean, uh, women — in my discussion sections. You’d think that when you’re a Cal engineering student, you have to work twice as hard and score twice as high to prove you’re as good as a man, but all of my students are just slackers. Most of them barely even show up. This one, I think her name is Blondie, barely shows up; I think she’s trading places with some other blonde girls who have almost identical features but wear different clothes.” 

In lieu of a student, the department opted to use a professional stock photo model.

“I don’t even go here, to be honest,” reported Robin Wrong, the model in question, “but the photoshoot is kind of perfect for me. Sure, I have degrees from Harvard Medical and Yale Law, not to mention a black belt in jiu-jitsu and an honorary membership to the Harlem GlobeTrotters, but every male headhunter and career counselor I went to said those weren’t enough to cut it in the corporate world. Everyone said all I had was a pretty face anyway, so at least stock photo modeling lets me pretend to have any of my childhood dream jobs.”

Students in the college found the excuses insufficient.

“It’s unreal,” reported mechanical engineering junior Rebecca Yang. “They try to prove their diligence to our diversity, but they just show us in fake, contrived situations. And that’s not to mention the real double standards. Classmates and professors keep telling me to ‘smile more’ or that if I let my ponytail down and take off my glasses I’ll be prettier. But real talk? I’ve seen my male classmates do just those things and it just makes them look even weirder.”

At press time, the college was assigning a taskforce to resolve whether men have 

 

Photos Courtesy of Robin Higgins at Pixabay, Wikipedia, and Mockups-design.com.

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