BERKELEY, Calif. — Freshman Maya Whitman was surprised on Wednesday to see that her boyfriend, Michael Fisher, was surrounded by a crowd on Memorial Glade. …
Recycling, Compost, Landfill: All End Up in the Mighty Mouth of Korbulon the Destroyer Anyway
BERKELEY, Calif. — Environmental activist groups were shocked to learn that Berkeley’s recycling, compost, and landfill waste bins all end up in the same place: …
Friend With Car Probably Has Other Traits
BERKELEY, Calif. — Although Cal junior Dave Mills is best known for his 2011 Honda Fit (sport model), his friends report that he may have …
How to Block Out the Sound of Your Stepdad Railing Your Mom
Listen. I get that mom’s been lonely since dad disappeared. I’m happy that she’s putting herself out there. Alden treats her well and is good …
Twitter Now Owned by The Free Peach After We Got It for Free on the App Store
BERKELEY, Calif. — In a surprise twist of surprising events, the social media platform “Twitter” is under new management after The Free Peach purchased it …
Campus Curbs Spread of Misinformation by Simply Not Providing Any Information
BERKELEY, Calif. — In an attempt to limit the spread of potential misinformation regarding yesterday’s campus-wide threat, UC Berkeley administrators announced that, going forward, they …
Second-Semester Senior Making Closest Friend He’ll Never Talk to Again
BERKELEY, Calif. — Cal senior Theo Parker has realized he may never talk to his newfound closest friends after graduation. “It’s never been a better …
Is He Hot or Does He Just Own a Printer?
We’ve all been there. You went to his apartment for the first time and just had to keep coming back. Yet one question lingers in …
OPINION: Don’t Use Piazza Unless You Studied in Rome
I get it. You want to learn, so you ask questions. Here’s the thing, buddy: the only thing you need to learn is how to …
Daily Campanile Concerts Renamed “Clock and Bell Torture”
BERKELEY, Calif. — UC Berkeley will rebrand its daily carillon performances to attract a younger, edgier audience, according to an official statement made by the …