It’s time that we, as a society, admit the obvious: riding a bike with no hands is an extremely sexy activity. Those who practice no-hand riding are probably the hottest people ever. I still remember my most recent dazzling encounter with one of these hotties: Last Thursday, I was traveling down Haas Pavilion, utilizing my mediocre-at-best walking abilities when I saw him: a boy riding a bike. The way he moved on that thing was breathtaking – rather than simply being bent over the handlebars, he was upright yet steady, mind-blowingly fast yet balanced, and audacious yet unfearing.

His technique was clinical. The boy and the bike flew together in harmony. The velocipede had become univocal in the man’s being. He’s probably a Rhetoric major.

If you don’t believe me, others on the scene shared a similar sentiment. 

“It’s true, I also think he’s very cool. Like I would want to hang out with him on Saturday maybe if he’s free. Do you know if he’s free by chance? This isn’t a very convoluted way of asking whether someone is free this Saturday. I just want to know.” exclaimed a very real student. 

This is all to say that the boy was moving artfully with his bicycle. His ability to ignore the scooterers and outpace the skateboarders was admirable, nothing could stop him… That is, until he hit me.

It was my fault, really. I was walking in a straight line so it must have been difficult to see where I was going. It’s ok that he didn’t apologize and only said “the weak suffer what they must” under his breath – his elevated position probably made it difficult to even see my six-foot frame. Maybe I’m just crazy and should’ve apologized quicker. 

What I do know, however, is that the boy riding his bike with no hands is very cool.

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