According to multiple, visibly shaken sources, a virtual LinkedIn networking event held on Saturday night by Berkeley Haas Students in Haas ended in shambles when …
Tiffany Trump Comes Out as 50 Year Old ‘Cool Aunt’ on Booze Cruise Following Pride Gig
Following her appearance at a Pride event for her father, Tiffany Trump came under fire for her general asshattery and lack of knowledge about the …
Trump Solves Coronavirus by Stopping Testing
WASHINGTON, D.C.—The White House issued a press release yesterday explaining how President Trump has resolved the COVID-19 pandemic by halting all testing, after Dr. Harold …
Woman’s Yeast Infection Repurposed for Sourdough Starter
FULLERTON, Calif.— Fullerton resident Jeanine Woodrow recently repurposed her pesky yeast infection to create a sourdough starter during the statewide shelter in place mandate. “I …
Oh Yeah, Totally: UC Berkeley Students Lose Competitive Edge Because Classes Are P/NP
In an unthinkable turn of events, the university’s recent move to default classes as “Pass/No Pass” has wreaked havoc far and wide on the one …
Lori Loughlin Changes Defense Strategy, Claims USC Crew Team Is Now Rowing Just as Much as Olivia Jade Did in High School
LOS ANGELES, Calif. — Last year Lori Loughlin was accused of paying $500,000 to get her two daughters, Olivia Jade and Isabella Rose, into USC …
In Lieu of Tuition Relief, Carol Christ Offers Each Student an Otter Pop
BERKELEY, Calif. – Recognizing the hefty price tag of an inadequate education, UC Berkeley Chancellor Carol Christ has announced an update to the university’s …
Amid Shortages, Kink Club Switches from Latex Gloves to Leather
BERKELEY, Calif. – Kink Club President Philip Cox laid out sweeping changes for members of Berkeley’s sauciest social club at their latest meeting. “The COVID …
How to Survive Quarantine From Your 4-Story-6-Bedroom Manhattan Beach Mansion
Listen, we know it’s been hard. Quarantine is rough, especially when you’re sitting on a 5-acre lot in Manhattan Beach or Palos Verdes or wherever …
Mask Wearing Beta Male Grateful He No Longer Has to Pencil In Beard
Ross Kelley is grateful he no longer has to pencil in his beard every morning. Why? Thanks to COVID-19, he now wears a mask when …