BERKELEY, Calif.— Following a severe failure at crowd control during their Soulja Boy concert last Friday, ASUC SUPERB has promised to update their crowd control …
INVESTIGATION: Does SUPERB Know About Our Massive Outdoor Greek Theater?
BERKELEY, Calif.– Following Friday’s horrific Soulja Boy crowd-crush, many among the student body have raised serious questions surrounding the planning of the concert. With Pauley …
Soulja Boy to Release 15 Minute Set List for Superb Extravaganza
BERKELEY, Calif. — Cal students were overjoyed this morning as leaked set list for Soulja Boy revealed his concert will consist of “Kiss Me Through …
Out-of-State Student Declares Bankruptcy Instead of Major
BERKELEY, Calif. – Sophomore Bridget Martin wanted to be a computer science major, but due to the high tuition costs for out-of-state students, she has …
Too Woke? This Poli Sci Class Is Making Me Wake Up at 8:00 AM
At 8:00 AM, I don’t even have the energy to rebut every single one of the Professor’s points or talk over all of my female classmates. How can I be an effective student of politics if I’m too sleep-deprived to explain why straight white men are the most oppressed group in America?
Recession Watch: We’re Down to 3 Yali’s Cafes on Campus
BERKELEY, Calif. – The chilling wind of economic crisis has swept upon Berkeley, and it seems that the University has left its thrifted, Shattuck-Crossroads windbreaker …
Clark Kerr Skeleton Evicted After Tuition Non-Payment
BERKELEY, Calif. – In a dormitory-wide email recently, UC Berkeley Housing notified some of the campus community that they had discovered “what is believed to …
Where Are They Now? The Teletubbies Sun Baby Found in New January 6th Footage
“I’m still trapped in my giggling yellow spiky circle cage but now it’s a metaphorical cage made by Sleepy Joe and George Soros.”
Lonely UC Berkeley Seal Just Wants a Hug, or Any Touch Really
As the semester comes to a close, the official UC Berkeley seal outside Moffitt has sadly reported it received no physical contact this past year and that students were actively avoiding it. Though ideally seeking a hug, the seal has stated that even being stepped on by a fresh Reebok would be a pleasurable alternative.
Skip the Wait: Durant Taco Bell Introduces Ticketmaster Order Presales
“You just pick an order you might want weeks ahead and confirm your presale on Ticketmaster. There’s a 15% chance your order gets placed, and Ticketmaster only takes a portion worth double the meal price. It’s a steal, really.”