With Women’s History Month now done, I wanted to share my favorite ways men have displayed their support towards me as a woman. As everyone …
Trump Confused by Lack of Eid al-Fitr Invitations
BERKELEY, Calif. – After searching his email, letters, and Instagram messages constantly for the past month, Donald Trump realized no invitation was coming to welcome …
Report: Slack “@channel” Announcement Not Actually Important, Just Annoying
BERKELEY, Calif – In a totally unsurprising turn of events, the Economic Consulting for Consultants Who Consult Club President Constance Lee Ongline’s liberal use of …
Prop 50’s New Districting Map Revealed: Newsom a Little Too Creative
SACRAMENTO, Calif.– Reports out of Naughty Newsom’s office today show he took one too many eddies before drawing the new districting map for the ongoing …
Tap Haus Collaborates with Fort Knox in Groundbreaking Security Overhaul
BERKELEY, Calif. – Thanks to a new partnership with Fort Knox, Tap Haus is enhancing their security to guard their prestigious 3.8-star Yelp rating. While …
Opinion: I’m Leaking Coffee Shop Bathroom Codes and Don’t Give a Crap
If you’re anything like me (an “Ok, but first, coffee” soul trapped in a lactose-intolerant body) you’re always in search of the next toilet. But …
UC Berkeley Ranked #1 Public University Again Despite You Specifically
BERKELEY, Calif. – Shockingly, a separate group of old white dudes has made a separate decision to rank UC Berkeley as the top public university. …
OPINION: I Hate All of Your Boyfriends
National Boyfriend Day has a bad habit of just sneaking up on you. Today, without warning, my only safe space, Instagram dot com, was invaded …
‘Your Pussy Flaps are Out!’ and Four Other Empowering Things to Tell Your Friend Wearing Their Shortest Mini-Skirt
We’ve all been there. You’re out on the town with your girls gays and theys rocking your skankiest outfit on the same day that you …
‘Prepare to be Sick of Me’: Notes App ‘Poets’ Emboldened by Taylor Swift’s New Album
BERKELEY – Calif. A recent open mic hosted by the English Undergraduates Association could be a demonstration of an upcoming epidemic sweeping college campuses across …