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Posted on December 6, 2023 by: Tohar Zamir

‘I’m Allergic to LaTeX,’ Says Student Who Only Uses Raw Data

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Posted on October 28, 2023October 28, 2023 by: Anna Galler

‘It’s Hell for You,’ Decides Jesus, After You Press ‘No Tip’ on iPad

BERKELEY, Calif. – An all-knowing being came to a conclusion this morning when you made the life-damning decision of pressing ‘No Tip’ on the iPad. …

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Posted on October 13, 2023 by: Aidan Praytor

Fuck: It Was Probably a Bit Too Late to Drink That Yerb

BERKELEY, Calif. – Cal sophomore Ricky Jitters came to the realization last Tuesday night that it was, unfortunately, a bit too late to drink that …

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Posted on October 12, 2023 by: Tohar Zamir

Man Who ‘Doesn’t Need a Bedtime Story’ Scrolling Wikipedia

BERKELEY, Calif. – Gripped by stressful late-night study sessions, many Berkeley scholars have faced difficulty nodding off. Despite spending 30 minutes on the Wikipedia page …

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Posted on October 11, 2023 by: Ajay Madala

Representation Matters! CEO of ‘War Crimes Inc.’ in Problem Set Question is a Woman

BERKELEY, Calif. – Students in a Haas financial accounting class were assigned what seemed to be a typical problem set for homework. However, in a …

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Posted on October 3, 2023November 3, 2023 by: valzzz

‘Social Impact Consulting’ and Three Other Ways to Only Sell Out Halfway

For many UC Berkeley students, being entrenched in capitalist society means a certain dilemma wreaks daily havoc on the psyche: financial security or having a …

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Posted on September 30, 2023September 30, 2023 by: Ajay Madala

Fact-Checking the Second GOP Primary Debate

WASHINGTON D.C – Following the Second Republican Primary Debate, held at the Ronald Reagan Presidential Library in Simi Valley, news outlets were quick to correct …

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Posted on September 29, 2023September 30, 2023 by: Ajay Madala

Senior Celebrates ‘Last First’ Mental Breakdown of the School Year

BERKELEY, Calif. – Following celebrations of his ‘last first’ lecture and his ‘last first’ Taco Tuesday, Senior Dan Sobbing had his last first mental breakdown …

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Posted on September 29, 2023October 2, 2023 by: Ajay Madala

Dianne Feinstein to Continue Filibustering Vote on Green New Deal Via Zoom Call From Hell

WASHINGTON, D.C. – After serving a minuscule 31 years in the U.S. Senate, Dianne Feinstein has announced she plans to continue blocking any progress on …

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Posted on December 3, 2022December 4, 2022 by: Courtney Yee

‘Is This How Happy I Should Be?’ Asks Student After Three Weeks of Not Attending Class

BERKELEY, Calif. – With the University of California still denying the majority of graduate student employees basic rights and actively attempting to threaten or block …

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Posted on December 3, 2022January 20, 2023 by: Tohar Zamir

Countries Vie for the World Cup Since All the Rest Are in the Dishwasher

DOHA, Qatar – Fans across the world are oscillating in sweaty dive-bars, cooling down sports spectators who are whooping and hollering at yet another World Cup. …

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