Skip to content

The Free Peach

Everything Your Relatives Fear About Berkeley

Posted on May 15, 2023 by: Valmic Mukund

Bears Finally Go

  • Home
  • Berkeley
  • Local News
  • Quizzes
  • The Pit
  • Join Us!
  • Masthead
  • Contact

Category: Uncategorized

Posted on April 10, 2023April 11, 2023 by: amychakladar

Oopsies! Cal Admissions Accidentally Accepts YOU

In a stunning turn of events, the University of California, Berkeley, has made a groundbreaking error in its admissions process. The prestigious institution accidentally admitted you, a regular student, instead of the usual line-up of geniuses, valedictorians, taekwondo red belts, and future Nobel Prize winners. 

Continue Reading
Posted on April 7, 2023April 8, 2023 by: Valmic Mukund

Due to Extensive Budget Cuts, The University of California Will Now Be Shutting Down the Simulation

BERKELEY, Calif. — The pressing need to fund more administrative mansions and football coach salaries has forced the University of California to cut back on …

Continue Reading
Posted on April 5, 2023April 6, 2023 by: Courtney Yee

Girl Breaking Glass Ceiling Expected to Pay For Damages

BERKELEY, Calif. – Yesterday, at approximately 13:00, UCPD received a call notifying them that the glass ceiling in Gardner Main Stacks Library had been shattered …

Continue Reading
Posted on April 4, 2023April 6, 2023 by: Tohar Zamir

Trump Charged With 34 Felonies. To Find Out More Search ‘Trump Rule 34’

The remainder of the reporting is unavailable at this moment. To find out more, please search “Donald Trump Rule 34.” 

Continue Reading
Posted on April 4, 2023April 5, 2023 by: Ajay Madala

‘Rules Are Made to Be Broken’ Says Guy About to Cheat on His Girlfriend During Spring Break

GENERIC RESORT TOWN – Immediately following his flight landing in Miami with his “boys,” Delta Iota Kappa (DIK) brother and chlamydia vector Chad Broson posted …

Continue Reading
Posted on April 4, 2023April 5, 2023 by: Maddie Heath

Leaked! White Lotus Season 3 Actually Just Found Footage of Kappa Girls in Cabo

CABO SAN LUCAS, Mexico — Writer and director of the hit show White Lotus, Mike White, revealed that Season 3 will not only take place …

Continue Reading
Posted on March 25, 2023March 26, 2023 by: Abhi Ganesh

‘Ryanair Is SO Cheap’ and 2 Other Ways to Act Like Your Spring Break in Europe Hasn’t Put You in Financial Ruin

You’ll be spending what’s left of your savings on a 23 hour, four-layover trip to Paris. Je suis livin’ la vida loca. “But how can you afford that?!” someone asks. You know you can’t. Don’t answer. Don’t check your bank account. Hell, run if you have to. But never admit the truth.

Continue Reading
Posted on March 24, 2023March 25, 2023 by: Tohar Zamir

Another Weirdo Peddling Their Agenda on Sproul: the Girl Scouts are Back!

BERKELEY, Calif. – Doomsday preachers, consulting-club donut-salesmen, and moralist demagogues all tremble upon the appearance of the ultimate uniformed, jack-booted thugs. Brace yourselves: the Girl Scouts are back. 

Continue Reading
Posted on March 24, 2023March 25, 2023 by: The Free Peach

Horrific: This Social Media Company That Steals User Data Isn’t Even American

WASHINGTON, D.C. — The future of TikTok looks uncertain after a rigorous congressional hearing Thursday revealed that the user-data-stealing social media company isn’t even American.

Continue Reading
Posted on March 23, 2023March 24, 2023 by: Valmic Mukund

OPINION: Yes, Actually, Every Indian Name Is Spelled Wrong

Some people have accused me of being malfunctional, data-deficient, or even racist. I find all of these criticisms highly unfair. The truth is actually really simple—every Indian name is spelled wrong.

Continue Reading

Posts navigation

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 … 21

Search

Top Posts & Pages

  • Opinion: It’s Technically Only ‘Shackles and Champagne’ if They’re From the Champagne Region of France. Otherwise, You Have to Call Them Sparkling Wine and Zip Ties.
    Opinion: It’s Technically Only ‘Shackles and Champagne’ if They’re From the Champagne Region of France. Otherwise, You Have to Call Them Sparkling Wine and Zip Ties.
  • Frank Ocean Emerges From Hiatus to Clarify That He Was Referring to Berkeley City College in Infamous "Novacane" Lyric
    Frank Ocean Emerges From Hiatus to Clarify That He Was Referring to Berkeley City College in Infamous "Novacane" Lyric
  • Report: Arnold's Death On The Magic School Bus Is Responsible For Every Single Teenage & Young Adult Problem
    Report: Arnold's Death On The Magic School Bus Is Responsible For Every Single Teenage & Young Adult Problem
  • Alvin, Of “Chipmunks” Fame, Dead of Fentanyl Overdose
    Alvin, Of “Chipmunks” Fame, Dead of Fentanyl Overdose
  • Fuck It! We Ranked All The Sororities at Cal Alphabetically!
    Fuck It! We Ranked All The Sororities at Cal Alphabetically!
  • Alcohol Not Cutting It? 7 Excellent Glues To Huff Tonight, or Really Any Night Following
    Alcohol Not Cutting It? 7 Excellent Glues To Huff Tonight, or Really Any Night Following
  • Innovation: AC Transit Consolidates All Lines Into 31-Decker Bus
    Innovation: AC Transit Consolidates All Lines Into 31-Decker Bus
  • 10 Ways to Justify Your Parents Spending $60k On Your Gender and Women’s Studies Major While You Do Dirty Girl Scouts in Front of Your Parents and Siblings This Cal Day
    10 Ways to Justify Your Parents Spending $60k On Your Gender and Women’s Studies Major While You Do Dirty Girl Scouts in Front of Your Parents and Siblings This Cal Day
  • Upcoming Panda Express on Bancroft Offers Relief from Relentless Stream of High-Quality, Authentic, Family-Owned Local Restaurants
    Upcoming Panda Express on Bancroft Offers Relief from Relentless Stream of High-Quality, Authentic, Family-Owned Local Restaurants
  • OPINION: The Tugging In My Gut Isn’t IBS, I’m Just The Next Percy Jackson
    OPINION: The Tugging In My Gut Isn’t IBS, I’m Just The Next Percy Jackson

Our Facebook

Our Facebook
Copyright © 2023 The Free Peach All Rights Reserved | Magpaper by Theme Palace