BERKELEY, Calif. – After a summer of record-breaking heat waves, intense hurricanes, and massive floods around the world, climate scientists are unanimous in agreement that political leaders need to come together to significantly combat climate change. However, that sounds scary to me and I am too lazy to do any research so I’m just going to talk about the time I saw the Lindsay Lohan Freaky Friday remake on TNT at 3:30 p.m on a Thursday in 2017. 

“We need to make significant changes so that we leave a healthy and livable world for our children,” said climate activist Sofia Hernandez in a speech to Congress. Likewise, Jamie Lee Curtis has to live in her child’s body and vice versa for the majority of the movie, resulting in some wacky hijinks. One scene involves Lindsay Lohan in the body of Jamie Lee Curtis flirting with her high school-aged crush, which was really awkward to have to explain to my dad when he walked in on me watching that. I would also like to add that I was eating Cool Ranch® Doritos® and wearing five-year-old sweatpants at the time (this is not directly relevant but I feel it helps set the mood. I like to paint the whole picture). 

CO2 levels are increasing at a dangerous and potentially irreversible rate,” said the most recent IPCC report, pleading for international action to solve the issue. Speaking of reports, Lindsay Lohan’s character in the hit 2003 film Freaky Friday writes many for her English class and, despite making quality commentary, is given a failing grade by her teacher. However, we learn later, when Jamie Lee Curtis and Lindsay Lohan switch bodies, that the real reason her teacher gives her bad grades isn’t because Lindsay Lohan is a bad student as her mom, Jamie Lee Curtis, originally believes. Rather, it’s because the teacher asked Jamie Lee Curtis out when they were in high school and she said no, resulting in him lashing out on her daughter. When his scheme is found out, he gets really “freaking” embarrassed, if I say so myself (this is a pun). 

“Another upsetting thing is that American politicians blame China for carbon emissions using racist rhetoric when in reality, their emissions per capita are far less than ours,” said NASA climatologist Alan Perkins. Similarly, the racist “eastern magic” plot device that allows Lindsay Lohan and Jamie Lee Curtis to switch bodies in is highly insulting to Chinese culture, serving as a reminder that I wasted 96 minutes of my life watching this terrible movie. 

At press time, the Biden administration has yet to make any meaningful steps to address the issue of climate change and I started writing an article about the time I learned that Lindsay Lohan won the 2004 Teen Choice award for “Choice Hissy Fit” for her performance in Freaky Friday.

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