Berkeley Halloween Shops Sell Out of Skeleton Costumes Weeks Early, For Some Reason

Although weeks remain before Halloween, Berkeley’s costume shops have sold out of skeleton costumes, business owners report. 

“It’s the weirdest thing,” Party City franchisee Alvin Bean recounted. “Normally these college kids don’t start buying costumes until the day they’re supposed to start drinking. Even then, the only skeleton costumes we usually move are the Skeleslut 2000s, with their patent-pending Realistic Skeletit Technology™. Then on Friday, a bunch of kids in turtlenecks came in and bought out all my cheapest stock.”

Campus: “Now People Can Live in People’s Park!”

“Many have asked: who will benefit? Wouldn’t it make more sense and save more money just to reduce enrollment to prior numbers? Well, this isn’t about the money. The New People’s Park will not contain people; the New People’s Park will not contain park. The New People’s Park will contain that most oppressed class in society: buildings! Glorious, glorious buildings! And maybe, someday, we’ll all be able to look at People’s Park and say ‘Hey, people live here.’”