BERKELEY, Calif. – Reports of a dispute regarding gender parity within the classroom emerged this past weekend following a Thursday lecture for Professor Maloney’s Philosophy of Feminism course, where tension between students has reached a boiling point. According to a survey of the course, a requisite for Gender and Women’s Studies majors, the class is 85% women and non-binary students.
“The other 20 percent,” explained Junior Michael Blaise, “is us cisgender males. It’s been really staggering, you know, to really feel like my voice is underrepresented. It’s almost an immersive experience, like I’m really living in their shoes. Women’s shoes, I mean, like heels. Who run the world, right?”
Non-cis male students in the class expressed discomfort – and in some cases disdain – for Blaise and his notably few cis-male counterparts.
“They look like they were all rejected from N’SYNC, and then decided to make it our problem,” said Sophomore Eva Bosco. “They’re like Oedipus waiting to happen. And I mean, it’s incredible how they never stop talking–see this dent in my head? It’s from banging it against my desk every time they open their mouths. One of them actually interrupted Professor Maloney while she was talking to tell her she was wrong. The woman has a doctorate.”
However, sophomore Riley Coulter was eager to elaborate on his perspective on the class.
“Well, I just was listening to the lecture and the discussion and I realized I actually already knew this stuff. So I left,” said Coulter, who dropped the class the day before the first essay was due. “I wanted more of a challenge, so I signed up for the Earthquakes class. My man Mikey B really helped me realize that it was the right thing to do, you know, giving my seat on the waitlist to someone who needed it more. They say behind every good woman is a better man and, well, I like to think I’m that man.”
Blaise remains in close contact with his “man” Coulter.
“Oh me and Riley? Big Rip? We stay in touch, we aren’t afraid of that, you know, intimacy, because we already unpacked our toxic masculinity,” Blaise reported confidently. “Yeah we’re actually having a movie night with some of the other guys in class this weekend. Just the guys, sitting around watching films and discussing how to be better feminists, you know, comparing notes. Tonight, we’re gonna watch La La Land because it’s the boys’ favorite film, and you know, chicks kinda dig it.”
However, Bosco and her peers in Philosophy of Feminism may be in luck, as Blaise might not be so vocal for long.
“I think I’m going to stop talking in class so much, you know, raising my hand to speak,” Blaise said, after which he was asked if this move was intended to make more space for his peers – an assumption he was quick to refute. “No, I think it’s time they demonstrate their knowledge and commitment, you know, really step it up, assert themselves. I’ve been sort of carrying them so far, you know. But I’m totally available to tutor them if they need. I’ll even give them a discount, you know, to account for the wage gap.”