BERKELEY, Calif. – After suffering years of abuse from Tap Haus patrons slamming sauerkraut and hotlinks down their gullets, Top Dog announced he had enough. …
ICE-UD? Trump to Install Immigration Checkpoints at the Cervix
WASHINGTON, D.C.—In response to legal pushback against his executive order ending birthright citizenship, President Trump has issued a new order installing immigration checkpoints at the …
A Mid-Semester Night’s Dream? Devastated Girl Wakes Up to Find Her Boyfriend Is Still an Ass
BERKELEY, Calif. – The Tang Center has been experiencing a spike in calls to their emergency phone line the past two weeks, the latest from …
No Representation Without Taxation? Bill Introduced to Tax the Unborn
WASHINGTON D.C.—Breaking news out of the capitol today, as House Democrats issue a new initiative for a “Fetal Fee,” also known as a tax on …
Fox News Wins: Girl Scouts of America Forced to Take Gender and Fentanyl Out of Their Cookies
THE INTERSECTION OF HELL AND THE END — In a stunning victory for the puppeteers operating the cast of Fox News and their loyal brigade …
Paradise Lost: Your Opps Have Returned From Fall Semester Abroad
A month into the semester. You’ve begun to settle in. You know the faces, the characters that color your classes. You’ve become comfortable. But then …
Daily Cal Launching New Weekly Column: Celibacy in the City
BERKELEY, Calif. Following the summertime success of the 1998 television phenomenon, Sex and the City, UC Berkeley’s Daily Californian has launched a new weekly sex(less) …
Student Accused of Plagiarism Cites Right to Reproductive Freedom
BERKELEY, Calif. – A student accused of submitting a plagiarized Constitutional Law midterm is fighting the accusation by citing what she calls “her right to …
Guy in Philosophy of Feminism Class ‘Takes Space,’ Still Working on the ‘Make Space’
BERKELEY, Calif. – Reports of a dispute regarding gender parity within the classroom emerged this past weekend following a Thursday lecture for Professor Maloney’s Philosophy …
‘Prepare to be Sick of Me’: Notes App ‘Poets’ Emboldened by Taylor Swift’s New Album
BERKELEY – Calif. A recent open mic hosted by the English Undergraduates Association could be a demonstration of an upcoming epidemic sweeping college campuses across …