BERKELEY, Calif. – UC Berkeley’s Chapter of Theta Chi has been placed on probation by the university for throwing a “Lent” party this past weekend. Reports claim that the brothers of Theta Chi advertised the Saturday evening bash as “pregaming church the next morning.” Police shuttered the event around 3:14 AM, after a belligerent brother started causing a disturbance in the street.
“IT’S BAPTISM TIME BOYS, on God,” yelled the expectedly pale individual, dogs out in pit vipers and a toga, before running onto a rainy Piedmont Ave.
According to sophomores Petra Diocese and Simona Prodigala, the party was actually a very calm event.
“Yeah, the pledge at the door gave us the consent talk, and then told us that there were snacks at the bar. But when we got there they were just serving warm Franzia and communion wafers,” said Diocese.
Prodigala was further surprised at the fraternity’s steadfast commitment to the party’s theme.
“It was weird honestly, there was no DJ or anything, they just had some chamber choir playing on aux,” said Prodigala. “There was a brother taking confessions in one of the rooms upstairs…you had to Venmo an ‘indulgence’ to go up there. What happened to just knowing a brother?”
Furious local Christian and Catholic youth groups appealed to Chancellor Christ for intervention, demanding that Theta Chi be disaffiliated from the university.
“I heard they had a pledge anointing people at the door, and they collaborated with Jehovah’s Witnesses on Sproul to hand out bibles as bids. It’s a complete desecration of my faith!” complained Senior Angela Carpenter of Alpha Delta Chi Christian Sorority, the members of which have taken to protesting outside the Theta Chi house. The fraternity’s Risk Manager, Micah Godspell, lamented the backlash.
“It was super respectful, man. I told all the guys they couldn’t use their girlfriend’s slutty, I mean—sorry—promiscuous nun costumes from last Halloween and all that. I mean we all gave things up for Lent even. For example, I’m giving up getting bitches for a whole month, and my brother Jonah, he’s giving up classes. I mean, I don’t get what they’re all so mad about. We’re a brotherhood, and I think Christ knows that…” Godspell said while a pledge washed his feet. “Theta Chi is just living it up in the A.D. man, and we plan to continue to do so.”
Despite pushback from Carpenter and her disciples, the trailblazing fraternity has found unlikely allyship from other campus-affiliated religious groups.
“Makes my job easier,” remarked the head Priest at the nearby Newman-Hall Holy Spirit Catholic Church, Father Fox. “We’ve had low collegiate membership for a while now, and this means I don’t have to make a ‘hot priest tik tok’ — liquor works quicker right?!”
As of this current probationary period, the administration has not made any permanent decision regarding the fraternity’s future. According to Cal Greek Life Supervisor, Chad Preistly, the administration is “giving up making decisions for Lent, and the probably the foreseeable future.” Theta Chi remains affiliated with UC Berkeley, and plans to have an altar out for prospective new students at Cal Day.
The only thing I’ll never give up for lent is the great writing in The Free Peach !
Bravo!