Scandal alert? Check out these 6 crazy things this ASUC Senator did (you won’t believe number 4!)
1. Eat an apple.
You Won’t Believe What This ASUC Senator Did!
Why Does CalCentral Only Freeze, Not Slide to the Left or Crisscross?
After throwing my hands behind my head, I realized that CalCentral actually wasn’t threatening to arrest me, but was inviting me to do the Cha Cha Slide. Now I’m no AFX member, but I will admit that I’ve been to my fair share of Bar and Bat Mitzvahs. I patiently waited to be told to clap my hands and slide to the left, but to no avail — there was just silence.
Overworked Daily Cal Writer Didn’t Want to Be Saved
Let me paint you a picture. Every single week, you have to write a 500-plus word article (with verified sources!) that maybe four people other …
Republican Informs Guy Robbing Him He Doesn’t Have to Wear a Mask Anymore
BERKELEY, Calif. — A Republican man robbed at gunpoint earlier today reported that his assailant refused to take off his mask, despite the fact that …
Berkeley to Have Small College Feel After Court Caps Enrollment at 42,347 People
BERKELEY, Calif. — After a recent court ruling capped UC Berkeley enrollment to 42,347 students, some Cal students are rejoicing that the university will finally …
Astrology Added to Side of VLSB
BERKELEY, Calif. — The University of California has decided that, alongside chemistry, biology, and, unsurprisingly, biochemistry, the Valley Life Sciences Building (VLSB) should have a …
Biden Infrastructure Bill Enables Berkeley to Finally Build a Second Two-Way Street
BERKELEY, Calif. — Anticipating infrastructure improvements from President Biden’s Build Back Better Act, Berkeley Mayor Jesse Arreguín has promised to use the new funding to …
5 Signs You’re a Virgo
Being a Berkeley student involves many rites of passage— skipping GBO after the third day, your republican uncle murmuring something about you wasting your education …
“Strong” Armed Robber Can’t Even Open Taco Bell Cantina Door
BERKELEY, Calif. — Notorious strong-armed robber Burlap Sachs was arrested this evening while struggling to open the door to the Taco Bell Cantina on Durant …
Garbers Comes Out Against Testing, Including His English Final
BERKELEY, Calif. — In a difficult-to-parse Twitter rant posted earlier today, Berkeley quarterback Chase Garbers came out against both COVID testing and, for some reason, …