BERKELEY, Calif. – Sophomore Bridget Martin wanted to be a computer science major, but due to the high tuition costs for out-of-state students, she has …
A Carol Christ Email Drinking Game
Here’s a drinking game to help you get through Dead Week and all of Carol T. Christ’s absolutely necessary emails.
BREAKING: More Midterms
BERKELEY, Calif. — Every registered voter at Cal over the age of 18 has an opportunity to vote by November 8th at 8:00 PM, and …
Student Accused of Cheating on Midterm Using Anal Beads
“First off, I have never cheated. Okay fine, once when I was younger I left my canvas page to look up the answers on an online math quiz, but I was like 19. I would never cheat on a midterm,” Kneeman said as he searched for answers for homework on Chegg. “Magnum is upset I beat him and is just hating on the underdog. The grade speaks for itself. And to all the people asking for me to go over my prep for the exam, that’s none of your business. I’m not even going to address the anal beads rumor. What, people really think I learned the entirety of morse code and had someone buzz the beads for each answer? That would require many hours of practicing in the Morrison bathroom from 4:00-5:30 p.m. PST – don’t be ridiculous.”
5 Things Scarier Than Seeing ‘View Graduation Checklist’ on CalCentral
Are you actually graduating? Will you be able to function in a 9-5 work environment? Didn’t you start college like two weeks ago? What the fuck is going on? In honor of keeping up with the spooky senior spirit, here are 5 things scarier than seeing “View Graduation Checklist” on your CalCentral.
You Won’t Believe What This ASUC Senator Did!
Scandal alert? Check out these 6 crazy things this ASUC Senator did (you won’t believe number 4!)
1. Eat an apple.
Why Does CalCentral Only Freeze, Not Slide to the Left or Crisscross?
After throwing my hands behind my head, I realized that CalCentral actually wasn’t threatening to arrest me, but was inviting me to do the Cha Cha Slide. Now I’m no AFX member, but I will admit that I’ve been to my fair share of Bar and Bat Mitzvahs. I patiently waited to be told to clap my hands and slide to the left, but to no avail — there was just silence.
Overworked Daily Cal Writer Didn’t Want to Be Saved
Let me paint you a picture. Every single week, you have to write a 500-plus word article (with verified sources!) that maybe four people other …
Republican Informs Guy Robbing Him He Doesn’t Have to Wear a Mask Anymore
BERKELEY, Calif. — A Republican man robbed at gunpoint earlier today reported that his assailant refused to take off his mask, despite the fact that …
Berkeley to Have Small College Feel After Court Caps Enrollment at 42,347 People
BERKELEY, Calif. — After a recent court ruling capped UC Berkeley enrollment to 42,347 students, some Cal students are rejoicing that the university will finally …