Student Accused of Cheating on Midterm Using Anal Beads

“First off, I have never cheated. Okay fine, once when I was younger I left my canvas page to look up the answers on an online math quiz, but I was like 19. I would never cheat on a midterm,” Kneeman said as he searched for answers for homework on Chegg. “Magnum is upset I beat him and is just hating on the underdog. The grade speaks for itself. And to all the people asking for me to go over my prep for the exam, that’s none of your business. I’m not even going to address the anal beads rumor. What, people really think I learned the entirety of morse code and had someone buzz the beads for each answer? That would require many hours of practicing in the Morrison bathroom from 4:00-5:30 p.m. PST – don’t be ridiculous.”

Why Does CalCentral Only Freeze, Not Slide to the Left or Crisscross?

After throwing my hands behind my head, I realized that CalCentral actually wasn’t threatening to arrest me, but was inviting me to do the Cha Cha Slide. Now I’m no AFX member, but I will admit that I’ve been to my fair share of Bar and Bat Mitzvahs. I patiently waited to be told to clap my hands and slide to the left, but to no avail — there was just silence.