So there I was, trying to enroll in Foundations of the U.S. Air Force when I saw a big red notification on my CalCentral telling me to freeze. After throwing my hands behind my head, I realized that CalCentral actually wasn’t threatening to arrest me, but was inviting me to do the Cha Cha Slide. Now I’m no AFX member, but I will admit that I’ve been to my fair share of Bar and Bat Mitzvahs. I patiently waited to be told to clap my hands and slide to the left, but to no avail — there was just silence. 

Then I realized CalCentral wanted me to pay it to tell me to unfreeze. I hate to admit it, but I’m tremendously disappointed in its attitude. How big does your ego have to be to think I’d pay to watch you dance? I don’t need a partner, I can take inspiration from Billy Idol and dance all by myself. I may have still not memorized my student ID number, but I’d sooner forget my mother’s maiden name than the words to the Cha Cha Slide. 

So I dance. I dance like there’s no tomorrow. I go to the right, then to the left. I take it back. I hop once, then again. I look into CalCentral’s ice-cold frozen eyes and stomp my right foot, not once, but twice. It stares back at me, and I thrust my left foot down on the ground for two more stomps. I slide to the left, and then the right. I hit it with a criss-cross, and just when I see its willpower beginning to break, just when I see cracks in its frozen body begin to form, I cha cha real smooth.

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