Honestly, I was going to write another article about Cal Greek life, per my usual authorial persona, but I watched Monday night’s episode of The …
Please Don’t Read This, I’m Too Shy
Wait, stop! I thought I told you not to read this. Didn’t you read the title of the article? UGH, I can’t believe you’re still …
Opinion: This is a Shoes-On Household
Listen up, you little shit. You may have heard of the time and true tradition of a “shoes-off” household, so I am going to blow your fucking mind with this one.
White Girl from LA Fulfills Civic Duty of Criticizing Pop-Listeners Because Her Spotify Wrapped Has Tyler, the Creator in It
Even though you probably have never heard of these artists, it is my civic duty as a white, female teenager from Los Angeles to expose society to art and culture that is unique and different.
ATTENTION: Manic Pixie Dream Girl for Hire!
I have bangs and glasses. I play the ukulele. And I have four pairs of overalls.
A Day In The Life of the FBI Man In My Webcam
The American public is under constant surveillance, and social media only aids in these pursuits. Mark Zuckerberg is sitting on a huge cache of my …
Mastering The Art of Asking A Question That’s Actually a Statement — A Manifesto
My peers ask me this all the time. “Why can’t you just ask a question like everybody else?” and “Why do you insist on taking up space?”
I Talk So Much In Section Because I Must Preserve America’s Democracy: By Every Male Political Science Major
Some people can’t handle the discourse I inspire. Okay, fine, you made me say it – these people are usually women.
Opinion: I Refuse to be Bullied for my Chunky White Filas
Some claim that the size of our sneaker is an overcompensation for qualities we lack elsewhere, yet this could not lean further from the truth. If anything, the weight of our Filas make us even more grounded than ever before
My 5th grader hates me because I’m a Classic Yellow Wood-Cased Ticonderoga No.2 Pencil and not a Paper Mate Clearpoint Mechanical Pencil :(
My owner’s name is Billy! He is a 5th grader at Newbury Park Elementary School and he loves drawing and peanut butter and jelly sandwiches …