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Category: The Pit

Posted on November 25, 2021November 25, 2021 by: tomwickline

BREAKING: I Am Free This Saturday If Anyone Wants to Hang Out

BERKELEY, Calif. – According to sources on the Free Peach, accomplished and popular writer Tom Wickline has his schedule open all day this Saturday. This …

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Posted on November 23, 2021November 23, 2021 by: amychakladar

Fuck, There Went All Our “We Lost” Jokes

STANFORD, Calif.- Despite the best efforts of the Stanford Football Team and COVID-19, somehow the Bears clutched a narrow 41-11 victory this weekend.  “I just …

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Posted on November 21, 2021 by: Shane Pauker

OPINION: You Call That Big Game?

So I guess Stanford and Berkeley are duking it out on the gridiron again. Whoop-de-doo. A team with a 3-6 record is going up against …

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Posted on November 19, 2021November 19, 2021 by: Bernard Chan

OPINION: Moffitt Seismic Upgrade to Accommodate the Tremors of My Thicc Ass

Recently, university staff have announced that Moffitt, the beloved school library and best place for crying before finals, will be closed for the Spring 2022 …

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Posted on November 17, 2021 by: emmasmith6

OPINION: The Berkeley Thai House Combo Was Written by a Woman

Last week at Berkeley Thai House, as I sat beneath the cherry-blossom canopy, listening to the sweet sound of the fountains, and spending the last …

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Posted on November 16, 2021 by: Julia Wong

OPINION: “Midterm Season” Is a Scam Created by Big Academia to Sell More Exams

As temperatures plummet and the trees on Sproul grow as barren as my social calendar, I know that the seasons have changed. In fact, I …

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Posted on November 5, 2021 by: toharzamir

Top 2 Campus Fountains I Have Vomited In

Few things unify the Berkeley student body. Sure, rushedly ignoring Sproul donut salespeople, feeling despair at missing the 51B, and regretting trying that new Trader …

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Posted on November 1, 2021March 2, 2022 by: Tyler Goldstein

Top 13 Berkeley-Themed Halloween Costumes

1. Slutty Oski Oski is the scariest mascot in America. He eats children, students, and parents alike. He terrifies the other football team, though not …

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Posted on October 29, 2021October 29, 2021 by: toharzamir

OPINION: Why I, a Man, Am Dressing Like a Slut This Halloween

As we continue to reject the limitations of gender and the patriarchy, I pose the question: why have men been denied their inalienable right to …

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Posted on October 20, 2021October 27, 2021 by: emmasmith6

Opinion: I Cured My Imposter Syndrome by Making a Frat Man on an Orange Scooter Hand Deliver Me Tampons

Feeling a little bummed out that tampons are still not recognized as a basic necessity by the federal government and are being taxed as a …

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