Last week at Berkeley Thai House, as I sat beneath the cherry-blossom canopy, listening to the sweet sound of the fountains, and spending the last $15 in my bank account on pad see-ew, I was suddenly struck with the realization that the Berkeley Thai House Combo was absolutely, unequivocally written by a woman. 

The ambiance, the flavors, the plethora and range of entree options, which come included with a Thai Iced Tea and a side — you can’t tell me the Berkeley Thai House Combo wouldn’t lick-it-before-they-stick-it after paying for my three course meal at a competitive price. The Berkeley Thai House Combo would make me laugh, softly hold my hand while attentively asking me questions about my dreams, and then gently put a pillow under my back while they gobble me, swallow me like a panang curry with chicken and a side of fried tofu. 

You can trust the Combo. Even though you know the pad thai hits every time, you will never feel uncomfortable experimenting with something new because every entree will be back-arching-toes-curling-put-your-ass-to-sleep good, and it’ll come with two gyozas. Then, to top it off, while you’re ass up, face down in their homemade strawberry lemonade, the Combo will reach its hand around to the front and toss you like a bowl of drunken noodles, until you’re literally exhausted in a 

pussy-put-your-ass-to-sleep-esque food coma. 

Then, even after you finally understand what Ariana Grande meant by “got me walkin’ side to side,” your receipt will come like a gentle kiss on the forehead, reminding you of all of the good decisions you made that led you to this present moment, and that they will always be there for you, to rely on, for anything.

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