BERKELEY, Calif. — Sophomore Anika Khan watched Gilmore Girls for the first time this past month after her roommates insisted it was a classic.
“How do I explain that, if I walked into Doose’s Market, I would be watched very closely?” Anika asked. “I grew up in upper middle class suburbia and went to a 90% white middle school, and somehow this feels whiter. Recently I’ve been hearing white people scream “Jail” by Kanye outside my window, and this feels whiter. I believe the entire town of Star’s Hollow could collectively handle two dashes of ground black pepper before saying, ‘this has a little kick to it’. Also, Rory’s pretty annoying. Why did we stop rewatching Parks and Rec?”
Anika was not alone in her confusion; token ethnic roommates around the country are unsure how to handle this delicate situation.
“Honestly, I think I’m just going to pretend to like the show till they stop watching in January,” says Gabby Gomez. “Remember when your parents took you to see Disney movies when you were little and had to sit through the shitty movie because you were into it? Now I’m the parent. But was Princess Protection Program two hours long and somehow there are over 150 fucking episodes of Gilmore Girls.”
Anika’s roommate, Katie Hathaway, responded.
“I’m not mad, but a little disappointed. I wish I could have grown up in the racially homogenous town of Stars Hollow. I thought the theme of facing extremely minor and self-inflicted problems as a privileged and wealthy white family together was universal! I guess it’s not for everyone.”
Anika decided it was best to wait before she told them Everything But The Bagel seasoning is literal bird food and that ABBA might be white people music.