BERKELEY, Calif. – Students in a Haas financial accounting class were assigned what seemed to be a typical problem set for homework. However, in a …
Slay Queen! I Just Committed Regicide!
SHAKESPEAREAN LONDON, England — Here ye, here ye, thou doth not yet heard of the news, the queen is dead, and someone just confessed. “Slay queen! I just committed regicide!”, said thee O murderer Agatha Dick.
OPINION: The Berkeley Thai House Combo Was Written by a Woman
Last week at Berkeley Thai House, as I sat beneath the cherry-blossom canopy, listening to the sweet sound of the fountains, and spending the last …
Opinion: I Cured My Imposter Syndrome by Making a Frat Man on an Orange Scooter Hand Deliver Me Tampons
Feeling a little bummed out that tampons are still not recognized as a basic necessity by the federal government and are being taxed as a …
Mercury is in Retrograde, Which is Why You’ve Been A Piece of Shit For 21 Years
People across the nation are losing their shit.
“During retrograde, a lot of our everyday communication is disrupted,” explained Tigerlily Adams, caucasian yoga instructor and probable anti-vaxxer. “Like, when this undercover cop asked me if I sold shrooms to college kids, I assumed he was in college because that guy looked like a fucking virgin, so I said yes.” Tigerlily is currently under arrest for distribution of drugs to minors, but Tigerlily said “that’s just the way retrograde goes.”
Post-Trump, Wealthy White Woke Grandparents Relieved to Return to Peaceful, Undisturbed Life
According to the elderly couple, their beloved daily routine –– waking up, watching television, petting their dog Hubert, walking around an elegant New York suburb and cooking dinner –– was drastically affected by Trump.
Girlboss! The RA Who Just Wrote You up Is a Woman
In a win for women everywhere, Unit 2 RA Jessica Poole has just written up some freshman for alcohol possession.