BERKELEY, Calif. – Riveting news– a new matcha cafe has opened up near the UC Berkeley campus. And this one is different for a specific, venerable reason: it is better than the last four that opened the week prior.
“I promise, this one is different,” remarked Zen Matcha’s founder, Guy White. “Our matcha is 100% organic, 100% locally sourced, and you have to pay $9 for a small.”
Berkeley students love Zen Matcha, lining up down the block for its opening celebration, which was a daytime 10-11am DJ set pricing at $20 for one ticket. The purchase of a ticket came with one free sample size matcha, and a sticker.
“I’m so hyped about this place man, it’s so good,” said local performative frat brother Andrew Pearson. “It’s my buddy’s business and I swear it’s different from these other matcha shops. At Zen, if you pay an extra two dollars, the barista will spit in your cup. You can also purchase an energy matcha, where they combine your drink with a celsius. I mean who else is doing this stuff? It’s an untapped market.”
At Zen Matcha, there are only two sizes– small and extra small. You can customize your cup with their housemade syrups, all of which are sourced from various fruits growing in some dude’s backyard.
At press time, White and Pearson were planning how they could expand Zen’s market into boba.