In the event a massive earthquake hits the Bay Area, what will happen to all of us?
- The Campanile will fall and land pointing toward Mecca
- Hearst pool will crack and spill out onto Bancroft creating a flood on the street like in Big Fat Liar
- The Greek Theatre will be conquered by The Ramones for a benefit concert
- The 51B will continue to trudge through the rubble in a heroic effort to keep our campus moving. Thank you, bus driver.
- Doe Library will sink and reveal catacombs holding the remains of thousands of mummified robot food delivery systems of a startups past, like Lycheebot
- Action Bronson will hold a charity event on the remains of Sproul and throw chicken at everyone
- People will be looting GBC for all the green books and all the Pure Leaf tea they can hold
- Wealth and Poverty will still require you to attend lecture and use iClickers
- Everyone immediately forgets about Notre Dontcare
- Carol Christ declares war on tectonic plates, starting with a reciprocating attack on the Hayward Fault and then continuing on to drilling in to the San Andreas
- BART shoots up from the underground, breaching Shattuck like a beautiful blue whale. Only to come crashing down onto SkyDeck and destroy the hopes and dreams of many young entrepreneurs. Fortunately, it misses Jupiter and saves the Quasars
- Everyone in the Earthquakes class will get an A
- Everyone from Orinda and Walnut Creek will go back to Orinda and Walnut Creek, respectively.
- Student Action still won’t win an election
These will all happen, and we know because we’re scientists.
““”Behold, the Underminer! I’m always beneath you, but nothing is beneath me! I hereby declare war on peace and happiness! Soon, all will tremble before me!”—The Underminer”—The Incredibles”—Michael Scott”