Hey babe, I saw the rant you posted to your finsta story, and I had no idea you thought I was gaslighting you. The truth is, I’ve really just been lying to you this entire time. Like, the entire time. 

What about when I told you Moses Hall was being renamed Genghis Khan Hall of International Relations? It was bullshit and I acknowledge that. Sure, you emailed your GSI asking to meet in Genghis Khan 130. But really, who even meets their GSI anyway? That’s what office hours are for.

How about the time you asked me where the bathroom is in Dwinelle and I told you “there are no bathrooms in Dwinelle”? I mean technically I was right–a bathroom has a bath, Dwinelle has restrooms. You’d know that if you took Foundations of Plumbing 155: Fecal Failures like I did last semester.

And what about when you confronted me about being with another girl at Brewed Awakening? You asked “is this your new sidepiece” and I explicitly said “no, she’s my tutor.” I mean she was my sidepiece, but consider the alternative: I could’ve said I wasn’t with anyone at Brewed Awakening. I might be a liar, but I’m not a gaslighter; I have standards. 

I’m so sick of you trying to make everything about me being “manipulative.” I’m not trying to change your behavior; I honestly just find it funny to tell you things that are objectively wrong. It’s not my fault you believed me when I said the Wordle today was “balls” or that the Queen of England is “still alive.” Sometimes I’m just fucking lying, okay? My nutritionist says it’s perfectly healthy, just like my diet (exclusively coffee and cigarettes).

Oh and if you want to reach me, don’t even bother for the rest of the week. I’m going to the Beijing Olympics. If you heard it ended last week then you caught me this time — I’m actually just gonna cameo in the new Spiderman movie.  

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.