BERKELEY, Calif.– As part of his early plans to modernize campus grounds, Chancellor-elect Richard Lyons’ has announced the removal of Moffitt’s smoking section by Fall …
Failure of Our Education System: Celtic Studies Class Doesn’t Cover Larry Bird
BERKELEY, Calif.– In a new suit brought forth by the Department of Education against UC Berkeley, reformers allege that current Celtic Studies courses follow an …
The Official Free Peach Guide to Tax Filing
As we approach the IRS tax deadline, many Berkeley students find themselves first-time filers overwhelmed by confusing tax laws. To combat the deluge of misinformation …
Media Studies URAP Involves Posting on Calfessions and r/berkeley
BERKELEY, Calif. – Responding to concerns about a paucity of available undergrad research positions, the College of Letters and Sciences has successfully opened a variety …
Millennial Carded Despite Wearing Stupid Graphic Tee
SAN FRANCISCO — Jessica Swan, who recently moved to SF to join “X,” formerly known as Twitter, formerly a usable website, was shocked to discover …
Berkeley Reverses Email Policy After Realizing They Need It to Solicit Donations
BERKELEY, Calif.– UC Berkeley administrative staff shocked hopeless undergraduates this afternoon by walking back their alumni email cancellation. Defending the decision, Berkeley spokesperson Janet Gilmore …
Canceled? Babies Revealed to Kick Pregnant Women
LOS ANGELES, Calif.– Shock befell the nation today as babies everywhere had their troubling histories revealed. Amelia Peterson, chief reporter for The Washington Post’s child …
$4 Supermarket Wine Has Notes of Alcohol
BERKELEY, Calif. – Local sommelier and Chi Omega social chair, Michelle Klein, has discovered that one of the $3.99 bottles of Charles Shaw Shiraz purchased …
‘I’m Allergic to LaTeX,’ Says Student Who Only Uses Raw Data
BERKELEY, Calif. – As finals approach, students have inevitably flocked to citation managers and word processors to mock-up their final projects. However, despite a deluge …
Honoring His Legacy: 11,000 Cluster Bombs to be Dropped on Henry Kissinger’s Body
HARTFORD, Conn. – Nobel Peace Prize recipient and carpet bomber of Laos and Cambodia, Henry Kissinger, has passed away at the early age of 100. …