Berkeley Startup ‘Tinder For Friends’ Not Affiliated With Tinder, Also Not Affiliated With Friends

“Out of a sample size n, where n = 589 undergraduates, we have found exactly 0 correlations between using ‘Tinder for Friends’ and our variable f, defined as f = having friends. Actually this isn’t entirely true––we found a negative correlation. I mean are you so shocked? This is an app that has the marketing strategy of a millennial Instagram meme account, which is to say it capitalizes on that image of Elon smoking that ‘Apartheid Emerald Mine’ strain zaza. I mean who is the market for this? Elon Musk fans? I mean they could definitely use more friends I suppose…”

The Naked Run 2: I Forgot to Take a Towel to the Dorm Shower

Campus janitorial services commended the new tradition: “We’re all for a new Naked Run 2 between the shower and your dorm,” mused Leon Tchotchke, head custodian of Bancroft Library. “You know how many of those little Febreeze wall-plug thingies it takes to get out the Computer Science musk alone out of our paperbacks? That’s without even considering the full hazmat setup we have to use after the PoliEcon kids make their rounds. Just wear the aluminum deodorant guys–ANY deodorant.”