BERKELEY, Calif.– Following an intensive research project, the Berkeley Entomological Research Program (BERP) revealed groundbreaking results; they found that your classmate that uses a copious amount of buzzwords is, in fact, a swarm of bees in a suit.
“While the deception was powerful, our top mellitologists were able to identify some key aspects of the ‘student’s’ behavior that betrayed their apiary identity,” proclaimed spokesman Franz Babka. “For instance, take the name that the swarm adopted – Buzz Waxman.”
Rising to the press podium, emeritus Professor Gordon Frankie divulged the chief attribute revealing Waxman to be a swarm of bees: their fondness for buzzwords.
“Waxman’s fatal flaw is that their classmate caught on to their penchant for buzzwords. Sure, every Berkeley student falls back on ‘discourse’ and ‘dichotomy’ once in a while, but Waxman’s use was egregious; who says ‘Honey, I’m combing through your beeliefs, and (h)I’ve got to tell you, there’s not one argument for being pro-polis.’”
The Dean of Students, Sue Harbor, commented on punishments for “Waxman’s” deception.
“We had a chat, and the offending swarm heartfeltly responded ‘bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz’ for the hurt that they might have caused, and that they are aware that ‘dishonesty stings.’ As a result, we’ve decided to refund the swarm’s tuition payment, and request that they pay as the 60,000 individuals that comprise a hive.”