NEW YORK CITY – Earlier today, facing a judge and under the custody of the Manhattan District Attorney’s Office, Donald Trump pleaded “not guilty” to 34 felony charges.

According to court records, the charges comprised of the following, read by DA Alvin Bragg:

  1. Telling somebody “Happy Birthday” eight days after their birthday. It’s uncomfortable – the window of opportunity has totally passed – and is a felony in the state of New York. 
  2. Asking for a receipt at a cafe and then not taking that receipt. What type of person wastes paper like that? That’s a felony. 
  3. Putting a “I Did That” Biden Sticker on a gas pump. That’s so lame dude, really. We peeled it off and it’s so cringe that we’ve decided you’re going to face serious charges for being lame.¹
  4. Flouting the rule of law, falsifying business records in an attempt to cover up… 

The remainder of the reporting is unavailable at this moment. To find out more, please search “Donald Trump Rule 34.” 

¹For more, search “Biden Inflation”


Image courtesy of The Associated Press.

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