BERKELEY, Calif. – After proclaiming his knowledge of secret and underrated date spots on campus, Cal junior Chad Chad decided to impress his new romantic prospect by taking her to Berkeley Social Club on their first date.

“I know a spot,” claimed Chad, after going to Kip’s on Thursday and studying on the 4th floor of Moffitt Wednesday evening. “People here need to expand their horizons and take their love interests on original dates that show that they truly understand the desires of women. Rather than taking her to my frat party or playing the guitar for her unprompted, I looked into underground local date night spots with an alternative edge, and decided on Berkeley Social Club.”

After a one hour first date followed by an invite to go back to his frat house, Chad’s date expressed strong feelings on his choice of first date and on Chad himself.

“I’m not surprised that he picked Berkeley Social Club. He has the personality of raisin bran, and I met him at Kip’s the night before our first date,” expressed Tyra Smith. “Maybe he would’ve decided on a more interesting spot if he asked me more questions about what I was into. At the end of our date, he said I was ‘really easy to talk to’, which was probably because I was silent as he told me about his first time discovering human empathy on shrooms in Tahoe for his club retreat. He then ended the date bragging about being a modern feminist after handing the check to me. I didn’t really text him after that.”

Although Smith’s actions reflect her general unease to continue talking to Chad, he seems to think otherwise. At press time, Chad was heard expressing great enthusiasm about his date, summarizing his success to his friends by claiming “dude, she’s totally into me,” while planning another date with another girl at Raleigh’s.

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