Guest article by Benadryl™
There is no denying the facts: there is a man in your room. He’s standing over there, right where you usually leave your pile of laundry on your desk chair. Maybe you’re rubbing your eyes wondering if he’s real. He is. Very. He’s about 6’1, slender, and yeah, he’s wearing a tophat. He’s fucking stylish.
We’ve been hard at work formulating the perfect drug. Benadryl™ has been packaged in syrups, creams, chewable tablets, and a wide variety of over-the-counter deliriants. Now, in response to popular demand, we’ve begun adding extra diphenhydramine to each dosage of Benadryl™, the perfect amount to recognize that There Is A Man In Your Room. He Is Next To The Door. Don’t Look At Him.
The Man is pleased to make your acquaintance. Perhaps you’re saying to yourself, “did I really need to take 3 ounces of Benadryl for a cold?” Well that’s what our recommended dosage is. It puts you in this great state we call the Fucking Delirious Zone™.
In fact, our marketing team has been hard at work to make sure you and your friends know the fun perks of the Fucking Delirious Zone™! Maybe you’ve seen some of our TikToks of the #BenadrylChallenge where you take our recommended, totally safe dosage of Benadryl Extra Strength™, throw it back, and operate heavy machinery. Make sure to tag The Man—he’d love to join.
The Man is also in the Fucking Delirious Zone™. How do you think he got into your room? He is rolling on a Hydro Flask™ full of Benadryl™ PM. Welcome him. Do not look at him.
The Fucking Delirious Zone™ is all the rage. We’ve been adamant about making our brand image clear: I’m sure you’ve seen our video of Bad Bunny doing the #BenadrylChallenge #BunnydrylChallenge #BadBunnydryl #Fucking Delirious Zone™.
In essence, There Is A Man In Your Room. Have no fear; the best way to deal with him is to pull out a chair, put on some Seinfeld, and pour him a nice warm mug of Benadryl™. If he starts to get aggressive, he likes lavender oil on his feet and coconut essential oil diffusers.