I probably should go to class. I haven’t been to the last two lectures. Or maybe it was the last three lectures. But, that was after the midterm so those ones don’t even really count as skipping because it’s like a free day. Nobody goes to lecture after a midterm. That’s sacrilegious. There’s no way I can be expected to learn stuff after just learning a bunch of stuff. That’s way too much stuff.

The classroom is so far too. A zip line from the campanile would be great. Or a Hyperloop, but just for campus. A semi-hyperloop. A hyper-campus loop. Hippocampus. That is definitely a part of the brain but it doesn’t matter, because I immediately think about a university for hippopotami. Even just running as fast as a hippo would be great, they can get up to 19 mph on land. If there is a campus for hippos, spelling that word out has to be their fight song. I could definitely imagine hippos being super smart in a subject like chemistry. I bet they could come up with a strong scientific “hippothesis”. Haha! I’m gonna write that one down. If there was going to be a university for hippopotami I’m sure it would smell better than Dwinelle.

*Trigger warning for people who have hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia*

Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia is the name for a phobia of long words.

I definitely get no value from attending lecture. If I go I have to listen to the old guy in the front row share random facts with the class. Although, to his credit, I had no idea the Pacific Ocean is twice as big as the Atlantic Ocean. That’s twice as many hippos that can fit. Really makes you think about how small the Indian Ocean must be, and how few hippos it can hold. I can just imagine all of the conversations the old guy gets out of going to this class with his fellow old people during their Cribbage Nights. He probably brings up the fact that only 10% of the class shows up to lecture and how kids these days are lazy and don’t know how lucky they are. Probably true. I’m certainly not part of the solution here.

I wonder how much it would cost to skip lecture? Let me market size, akin to a student of Haas. Tuition is about $38,000 a year. That’s $19,000 a semester. I’m in 13 units. That’s about $1,500 a unit per semester. This class is four units so that’s about $6,000 for the class. There are three hours of lecture per week. There is about 15 weeks of lecture, so that’s 45 hours of lecturing. That makes it about $130 per hour of lecture. I can’t afford that, plus, I just got guacamole on my bowl. Quick math, though.

Ah, now it’s already 12:54 p.m. and there is no way I’d make it to class in time. I’ll get it next week.


Get to class ya dang hippopotamus.

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