WASHINGTON, D.C. — At the recent TPUSA Stand Up Show-Charlie Kirk memorial hybrid, President Trump announced a list of schools he plans to target next, …
UC Berkeley Drops to #2 Public University Because of You Specifically
BERKELEY, Calif. – On the afternoon of September 23rd, 2024, members of the UC Berkeley community were shocked to discover that U.S News had downgraded …
Report: Lecture Great Time to Get Literally Anything Else Done
BERKELEY, Calif. — After opening the discussion for questions during Tuesday’s lecture, Professor Gopal Jhaveri was left utterly speechless at the lack of speech from …
Campanile Bells Replaced By Southside Garbage Trucks Because They are Louder and Also Make Noise Every Day
“After realizing that the Southside garbage trucks come seven days a week, and are far louder and more disruptive than the Campanile’s bells, we have decided to use them instead from now on.”
UC Berkeley Announces Add/Drop Deadline Revenue Will Fund Zipline Down Bancroft
BERKELEY, Calif. — Confirming everybody’s long-held assumptions that most extraneous university fees are driven by greed, UC Berkeley announced this morning that the thousands of …
Pathetic! Self-Proclaimed Funny Cal Student Doesn’t Even Write For The Free Peach
Dear Reader, Hello. It is I, The Free Peach. You may have heard of me. If you haven’t, that’s okay. But if you’re reading this, …
Berkeley Professor Requires Purchase of Reader from Copy Central For Online Course
BERKELEY, Calif. – UC Berkeley professor Claude McClaude sparked outrage recently with his controversial decision to require his students to purchase a hard copy of …
Frats Expand Racism to Microbiological Aggressions
BERKELEY, Calif. — Theta Chi brother Cameron Awbrey recently unveiled his fraternity’s new policy for addressing the spread of COVID-19. “The tragedy of this pandemic …
Student Awarded Regents Scholarship After Eating Slice of Artichoke’s Using Just One Plate
BERKELEY, Calif. — Peter Johnson has been awarded a Regents Scholarship after eating an entire whopping, enormous, fat slice from Artichoke’s Pizza using only a singular plate. He recounted the life-changing experience.
“I’ve been eating at Artichoke’s for years. I’ve always questioned why they serve their slices on two plates. I know they’re big, but I’ve had a gut instinct for a while — actually, to be honest, I’ve had a gut instinct since the first time they ever served me — that I could manage to eat a slice using just one plate. As a Society and Environment Major in the College of Natural Resources, I’m always thinking of ways to help the environment. Eating a slice from Artichoke’s off of one paper plate would be a step towards saving the Earth. So I asked the manager if I could have my Margherita slice on one plate.”
Late Night Texts from UCBWarnMe Making it Hard for Quarantined Cal Student to Get Over Not Being with Campus Anymore
Like many of the other quarantined Cal students, Christine Waters had spent many nights missing campus. She was handling the break-up pretty well for a …