BERKELEY, Calif. — Peter Johnson has been awarded a Regents Scholarship after eating an entire whopping, enormous, fat slice from Artichoke’s Pizza using only a singular plate. He recounted the life-changing experience.
“I’ve been eating at Artichoke’s for years. I’ve always questioned why they serve their slices on two plates. I know they’re big, but I’ve had a gut instinct for a while — actually, to be honest, I’ve had a gut instinct since the first time they ever served me — that I could manage to eat a slice using just one plate. As a Society and Environment Major in the College of Natural Resources, I’m always thinking of ways to help the environment. Eating a slice from Artichoke’s off of one paper plate would be a step towards saving the Earth. So I asked the manager if I could have my Margherita slice on one plate.”
The manager was caught off guard. He was, overall, very nervous for Peter.
“At Artichoke’s we serve big, generous, slices. Because of this, we feel comfortable charging over $5 for a slice, even though that is more expensive than literally any other individual slice in the entire continental United States. I was concerned the tip of Peter’s slice would touch whatever he put the plate down on. But, at the end of the day, the customer is always right, so I let Peter have the slice on one plate.”
Peter left Artichoke’s and continued to walk down Durant when he bumped into Carol Christ.
“She saw me eating the slice and her jaw completely dropped. It was like someone had found Berkelium all over again. I explained that I was eating off of one plate to help reduce forest fires. She was blown away. The Chancellor commemorated me for my effort to mitigate climate change and awarded me a Regents Scholarship. I hope this can be a source of inspiration to my fellow peers.”
Next year, Peter is looking forward to laughing at his friends’ awful apartments from his Blackwell single.