You might be wondering why this is late. To be honest, I’ve put this off for a long time, and was too nervous to share this part of my identity. It’s taken me a long time to accept this and feel ready to share it with others, but I have to live a life that is authentic and true to myself. I’d like to come out and say that I’m a lesbian, but more monumentally, one that gets no play.

I know you probably don’t know a lot of people like me. Lesbians you’ve seen on TV or know personally are likely in extremely affectionate and totally codependency-free relationships, or getting more action than a frat bro could dream of. Despite my sapphic tendencies, since I was a kid, my love life’s been drier than the Sahara desert. I hope that by sharing my story, we move towards a world that’s more accepting of us – a world that lets us consistently fail to get laid in peace.

Some people say it’s a “choice” – but I’ve chosen nothing but to share this part of me with all of you. Getting no play/bitches is as natural to me as U-Hauling is for my other lesbian friends. For years I struggled with compulsory coupledom, and no matter how hard I tried, I never got past the mutual Spotify follow stage. While other nascent lesbians avoided lingerie store photos like the plague, I averted my gaze from all things handmade trinkets, poems, and subtweets.

I understand that this may take you some time to process. All I ask is you exercise an open mind, and demonstrate empathy and kindness for others who may be like me. We’ve struggled for years to get to where we are today, and I’m proud of and eternally grateful for all the loser lesbians before me who showed the world they were bitchless and were proud to say it. No matter when and if you decide to come out or not, your bitchless nature is likely already recognized and accepted by the people closest to you. If it brings other actionless women-loving-women out there any relief, I’ve already come out to my closest friends, and to my warm surprise, not a single one of them found this unexpected. 

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