BERKELEY, Calif. – Recent reports show that your ‘almost 20-year-old’ friend wowed apartment guests this past weekend with decor that really made a statement, specifically, ‘I am not of legal drinking age.’
“Oh God, the off-yellow walls were strikingly bare,” said sophomore Dee Signer when asked to recall her first impression of your friend’s apartment. “But as I looked at all the nothing, something else caught my eye. Amidst the excessively stained carpet and mismatched Ikea furniture was a handful of half-wilted chrysanthemums in a Charles Shaw wine bottle. My jaw dropped. I knew your friend was cool, but like, casual wine drinking cool? I might need to go over there more often, the vibes are just so hip and bohemian. I thought having wine and a vase were only symbols of stuck-up maturity, but placing a bouquet in a wine bottle is just the adaptivity and creativity you expect from someone so youthful. Do you think they’re single?”
At press time, your friend was seen stuffing fairy lights into an old soju bottle.