NEW YORK – Following the Trump-Harris presidential debate, where most argue Harris delivered a much better performance, Governor Tim Walz and Senator JD Vance debated …
Fact Checking the Trump-Harris Presidential Debate
PHILADELPHIA – Following the first and only presidential debate between Vice President Kamala Harris and former President Donald Trump, news outlets have rushed to correct …
Seemingly Intelligent Roommate Still Struggling to Understand Dish Rack
BERKELEY, Calif. — High school valedictorian, Bio and Computer Science double major, student athlete, amateur poet, startup founder, and Grammy-nominated third year Kenneth Winslow is …
Judged Too Soon? Professor Actually Kind of Cool
BERKELEY, Calif. — Cal Junior Ruby Cornejo rescinded her reprimands this Thursday after realizing that her political science professor may actually be kind of cool. …
Report: Dead Week Fling Not Helping Anybody
BERKELEY, Calif. — Troubled waters lie ahead for ambitious sophomores Kent Fokus and Anita Studdy, whose now 82-hour-old fling began this past Sunday night. “I …
Friend Using Wine Bottle as Vase Really Nailing That ‘Young, Frugal, and Sexy’ Look
BERKELEY, Calif. – Recent reports show that your ‘almost 20-year-old’ friend wowed apartment guests this past weekend with decor that really made a statement, specifically, …
Fuck: It Was Probably a Bit Too Late to Drink That Yerb
BERKELEY, Calif. – Cal sophomore Ricky Jitters came to the realization last Tuesday night that it was, unfortunately, a bit too late to drink that …
Fact-Checking the Second GOP Primary Debate
WASHINGTON D.C – Following the Second Republican Primary Debate, held at the Ronald Reagan Presidential Library in Simi Valley, news outlets were quick to correct …
‘Never Become a Professor,’ Says Professor to GSI Doing His Entire Job
BERKELEY, Calif. — Cal history Professor Orn Ery pulled his GSI aside during lecture this past Thursday with some unrequested advice regarding their professional future, …
Dickriding Student Nods at Professor During Lecture
BERKELEY, Calif.—Sophomore Richard Rider provided his Econ 1 Professor with much needed emotional support this Thursday in a display of body language his peers found “intimidating as fuck.”
“You would do it too, if you shared the kind of intellectual connection Professor Muny and I do,” remarked Rider on his bobblehead-esque behavior. “I mean did you see that supply versus demand graph? Honestly, it moved me to tears, and the last time I cried was back when Steve Jobs died. It’s just such an honor to learn from someone so brilliant, and I had to show her that I was picking up what she was putting down, you know? Real recognize real.”