BERKELEY, Calif. – While most residents of Berkeley use the Downtown Berkeley BART station to commute to and from the city, little special snowflake and sophomore Brock Bridge announced to the world that he actually mainly uses the Rockridge BART station.
“Unlike most southside residents who keep using the Downtown station like fools, I actually sat down and did the math. I realized that taking the 51B down to Rockridge is actually way more efficient and way more indie and cool,” explained Bridge while listening to Geordie Greep’s The New Sound on vinyl. “It’s way less crowded and full of Berkeley locals instead of annoying UC Berkeley TRANSPLANT students like myself. I mean, not like myself cuz I’m actually chill but you get what I mean.”
Though acquaintances of Bridge understand the appeal of the Rockridge BART, they expressed their irritation at his general demeanor. Bridge’s roommate Eerie Tated explained more.
“I don’t know why he’s acting like he invented something new. I also regularly use the yellow line to get to SF. I literally told him about it cuz he kept complaining about ‘all the simpletons looking at their phones on the 51B headed to downtown.’ Some people just want to seem more unique than everyone else and he is definitely a victim of that. In fact, me and other people in his life gather together in a dark abandoned classroom every other night to detail just how much we hate him. It’s like group therapy but with no therapist and none of the benefits.”
After explaining his use of the Rockridge BART station, Bridge also announced that he goes to the Trader Joe’s on College Avenue instead of on University Avenue so he can technically say he goes to Oakland often.