BERKELEY, Calif. — Cal senior Rea Cycling awoke Sunday morning with mild back discomfort, only to uncover the culprit: a lone soybean hidden beneath her mattress. Cycling instantly understood the Hans Christian Andersen inspired message, and knew her rugged co-op prince must be near.
“Oh isn’t this magical!” she exclaimed, clutching the soybean to her chest. “I knew something was awry with my mattress as soon as I laid down. Of course, I have slept on every rocky, bumpy, uneven surface in my backpacking days, but I would never not notice a soybean, the best of the beans! It’s my soul bean. Why, I just about feel like a princess, and my valiant long-haired, unwashed prince of the co-op awaits me! I’m sure he is the daintiest of the Kingman Toads, and I wonder if it is Glen Tilsoup the cookshift manager. He surely knows his way around a bean.”
Fellow Kingman Toad Glen Tilsoup was found tending to the chickens outside, still coming down from the circle of life party the night before.
“No, I hadn’t heard about Rea’s bean incident”, Tilsoup remarked. “I can assure you it was not me though. As cookshift manager, I take great responsibility in keeping track of my beans. I count and categorize them every morning. Just when you think I have finished, I count them again. Here at Kingman, we go through thirty blocks of tofu a day, hand pressed and shaped by yours truly. All of us know the true power of a bean, and I’m sure no one let a stray bean out of their sight. It was probably just an accident. Plus, the true Kingman way of courting a girl requires two months minimum of leading her on first.”
At press time, Cycling had abandoned her search for a prince after discovering an entire block of tempeh under her bed, declaring herself a queen instead.