Sure, Jesus is great and all, but you know what’s even better? Consulting. College can be a tough, sometimes terrifying experience, and when you are at your lowest someone on Sproul may hand you a flier telling you to open your heart to God. From the bottom of my heart, I am begging you to say no to that flier – and say yes to consulting instead. What, you think a connection with God is better than DiversaTech’s connections with Figma and Glassdoor? Do you want to do something good with your life? Don’t give alms, give your time to the Bay Area Environmentally Aware Consulting Network (BEACN). BEACN only works with nonprofits. The church doesn’t even come close to those standards.
As a representative for all Berkeley consulting clubs, I am here to tell you that if you are going to worship something, it should be us. When it comes to fees, the church will scam you and use your money to rebuild an irrelevant chunk of brick decorated with stained glass. I promise you, no Berkeley consulting club will ever use your money to rebuild a cathedral. A consulting club will simply ask for a small financial investment from you, an investment which will be returned to you tenfold, either financially or in experience. You will go from being a nobody to somebody. And you’ll be somebody who worked with Samsung after joining Berkeley Consulting. The church could use its donations to help the poor, but instead, it wastes it on empty temples. We take your money and stimulate the economy, which truly helps everyone.
And if you are unsure exactly what a consulting club does, let me make it very clear to you. We consult. Some lost people go to a reverend priest asking for answers, but Fortune 500 companies come to us. We offer advice to professionals. We target fiscal and monetary policy intended to elicit a positive economic response from the private sector.
You will not find paradise in the Garden of Eden, but consulting clubs can introduce you to the next best thing — the business world.