‘You Suck and All of Your Friends Hate You,’ Says Report From You

New research from your brain as you try to fall asleep at night indicates a sobering reality: you suck, and everyone hates you. A comprehensive survey carried out by you illustrates that 100% of you thinks you totally put your foot in your mouth when you were talking to Evelyn, and she definitely rolled her eyes at Lauren when she thought you couldn’t see. Data collected from you regarding your outfit lead experts to believe that pale pink really washes you out, but none of your friends liked you enough to tell you. Experts ran a t-test with an error rate of +/- 3% in which a sample of n (where n=1) indicates that everyone is having more fun without you at Nikki’s party according to a detailed analysis of your friends’ Snapchat stories. The comprehensive report was published to all of your friends in a group chat that you were not included in.