BONG LAW OFFICES, LLP – Operating out of an abandoned dispensary across from People’s Park, Bong Law Offices LLP has experienced an influx of clients in recent weeks due to a spray-painted billboard reading “Something Wrong? Call Anh Bong” above Amoeba Records.
“I went to Bong after accidentally forming a polycule with my landlord and two TAs,” said junior Blink Hader. “She didn’t ask questions. She just had me smoke a phat bowl, handed me a SunnyD, and wrote a cease-and-desist on the back of a Chinese takeout menu.”
“Bong Law offers an expansive portfolio of services, including edible overconsumption litigation, appeals for emotional damage sustained in lecture-based group activities, and a ‘smoke & chill’ package wherein clients get high and play Mario Kart with their lawyer,” explained Bong Law associate Lod Law. “While the legitimacy of Bong’s legal background remains unclear, respected small-business owners, like Yun of Shen Yun Performing Arts, have praised our work.”
“Bong is a zealous advocate who has helped most of my dance company obtain visas,” Yun said while closing the curtain over seventeen identical dancers blinking out ‘we are not well’ in morse code. “Bong frequently watches us rehearse, lights a joint, and dissociates from the same spot every time. She’s the only outsider we trust who hasn’t asked where the dancers sleep.”
Other Bay Area institutions have also endorsed Bong’s services. “I’m her friend in the diamond business. She’s my friend when I need to roll a day-old body into shag carpeting, drive off the exit eight ramp, and burn the remains by the ocean” said Shane of Shane Company while polishing a single loose gemstone with a baby sock. “I don’t know what kind of law she practices, but it’s bloody, raw, and a little bit gay. Just like diamonds.
At press time, Bong was last seen hotboxing a Prius with a lost UberEats driver, three squirrels, and a freshman film major filling out an add/drop form.