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Posted on April 20, 2025April 21, 2025 by: Grace An

Students at Cal Experience Unprecedented Situation At Every Event Ever

BERKELEY, Calif.– On a Sweltering Tuesday evening on the first Sunday of April 20th, students at Cal buzzing after a local figure who had a …

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Posted on April 20, 2025April 20, 2025 by: Kanav Tirumala

Investigative: Study Finds if Your Edible Hasn’t Hit, You Should Take 2 to 3 More

BERKELEY, Calif.- A groundbreaking new study from the UC Berkeley Institute for Delayed Consequences and Medicinal Misinformation has confirmed what thousands of college students and …

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Posted on April 20, 2025 by: Kanav Tirumala

BREAKING: You Coughed. Everyone Noticed. They’re Talking About It.

TOKELAND, Calif. — The blunt had barely kissed his lips when freshman Jimmy Pendrix took one hit, exhaled, and immediately let out a ruptured-lung cough …

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Posted on April 20, 2025April 21, 2025 by: Kanav Tirumala

Something Wrong? Call Anh Bong

BONG LAW OFFICES, LLP – Operating out of an abandoned dispensary across from People’s Park, Bong Law Offices LLP has experienced an influx of clients …

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Posted on April 19, 2025 by: Sam Rogers

Glade at Capacity: ‘IF YOU DON’T HAVE A BID YOU’RE NOT GETTING IN’

THE RESTING SPOT OF THE MASSES – CA At 4:20 AM, a wave of shock rattled the Berkeley community as the glade reached full capacity. …

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Posted on April 20, 2023September 27, 2023 by: Tohar Zamir

BREAKING: Your Professor Knows Why You Didn’t Come to Class Today

“He said, verbatim, ‘and to anyone who missed lecture today, don’t forget that the windows to this classroom face the Glade. I can see you from up here – we can all see you from up here. It’s like getting opera seats at a Grateful Dead concert.’” 

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Posted on April 21, 2022 by: Tohar Zamir

BREAKING: Everybody Knows You’re High Right Now

BERKELEY, Calif. – Dude, bad news–everyone can totally tell that you’re higher than Leonardo DiCaprio’s personal maximum for age gaps right now. Yes dude, I’m …

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