We regret to announce that the long-awaited revolution is going to be a little late – ten minutes late, in fact. Or maybe twelve. Sorry, …
Rich Lyons FRAMEMOGGED by JESTERGOONING Cal Frat Leader
Following a serious altercation between protesting students and campus security, Rich Lyons was spotted walk-maxxing with females by SAE when he was brutally framemogged by …
UC Berkeley Celebrates Ranking over UCLA in the Epstein Files
BERKELEY, Calif – Upon the release of millions of files related to the ongoing investigation into billionaire and convicted sex-trafficker Jeffery Epstein’s estate, members of …
OPINION: Why I’ll Be Skipping the Super Bowl to Watch “Melania”
At first glance, the Superbowl is the highest form of American art: it has gambling, violence, advertising, and drunk Philadelphians. What’s not to love? However, …
UC Berkeley Announces New Technical DJ Program
BERKELEY, Calif. – Last Thursday, UC Berkeley students were surprised when school administrators announced the new research program (Undergraduate Educational Dance Music, “UEDM”) dedicated to …
Yes, Everyone Saw You Watching Heated Rivalry Edits on the First Day of Lecture
DWINELLE 150, Calif.- Look, while syllabus week can at times feel repetitive and boring, it doesn’t mean I can’t see you watching fullscreen fan edits …
Wilcox Still Gets the Axe
BERKELEY, Calif. – In preparation for the Big Game, Chancellor Rich Lyons, General Manager Ron Rivera and 3-time mascot heavyweight champion Oski met with Justin …
UC Berkeley Manages to Outdo Utah Valley University
BERKELEY, Calif – Following TPUSA’s penultimate event on the Berkeley campus, tensions remain at an all time high as peaceful protests quickly devolved into what …
Berkeley Bowl Opens Dispensary so Customers Can Finally Face the Parking Lot
BERKELEY, Calif.— In a move that has shocked exactly no one, Berkeley Bowl has announced the grand opening of its long-awaited adjunct dispensary, featuring over …
President Trump Investigates UC Berkeley, Cites “it just feels gay”
WASHINGTON, D.C. — At the recent TPUSA Stand Up Show-Charlie Kirk memorial hybrid, President Trump announced a list of schools he plans to target next, …