BERKELEY, Calif. – Last Thursday, UC Berkeley students were surprised when school administrators announced the new research program (Undergraduate Educational Dance Music, “UEDM”) dedicated to furthering undergraduate exposure and training in higher educational electronic dance music. As of now, UC Berkeley is one of the first college institutions in the nation to offer an official technical program for making shitty remakes of Top 40 songs from the 2000s.
“Professors at this esteemed institution have seen the need for innovation in the field of musical education and production. We have seen too many students download Ableton and then fail to get beyond the first minute of a Youtube tutorial; we’ve heard of too many Spotify shuffleplay enthusiasts moonlighting as self taught DJ’s,” remarks program founder Professor Haus Hed. “It’s time that we upheld our responsibility to ensure the highest level of educational quality for our students – no more off beat transitions, no more random buzzer sounds, no more Tiktok audio interludes. We believe DJs are the future workers of the world which is why we are proud to offer the first diverse technical program, ranging from house music to more avant garde production – which, excitingly, will be spearheaded by UC Berkeley affiliate DJ Mandy. Eat your heart out, Berklee!”
Frederick Oncemore, UEDM’s first enrolled student apprentice, was eager to share his thoughts and personal experience with this revolutionary initiative.
“Man, it’s been fucking great so far, but like so much work dude. It’s no wonder why this is a whole technical trade program, because how do I have ambient deep house mix due by 11:59PM AND a hands on training for progressive techno scheduled for tomorrow at 9AM. My days are so busy now, I barely have time to play sets everyday on Sproul for six hours straight. I’m lowkey drowning over here man. At this point, I might have to drop my Media Studies major with a concentration in Contemporary Instagram Stories to just focus on DJ right now. Like, this is tough. I mean at least the job security in this market is pretty much guaranteed…not to brag or anything, but I’m pretty much set up to be the house DJ at Kips once I graduate. Keep that on the down low though, too many people plotting on me right now…Hey, also do you know anyone who still needs a ticket to Excision?”
As of publication time, the waitlist to join the UEDM program has now expanded to over 2000 undergraduate students. With such success, administrators are reportedly now looking at expanding UC Berkeley’s new media technical programs including a prospective gloving summer minor.