BERKELEY, Calif. – For students growing weary of Cal’s recent construction bonanza, administrators have finally promised an end in sight. Unfortunately, that date is, miraculously, …
The Free Peach’s 2025 ASUC Election Endorsements
BERKELEY, Calif. – With one of the largest pools of power hungry maniacs, kids who peaked as high school student body presidents, and self-important resume-padding …
White Boy Tech Decks Over Collapsed Grandma
BERKELEY, Calif.– Last Wednesday, “White Boy of the Month” award recipient and local drywall menace Xavier Kyle, 26, reportedly set a new record by landing …
‘Immigration is Out of Control,’ Says Frat Brother Who Terrorized Cabo on Spring Break
CABO SAN LUCAS – Despite spending his spring break actively harassing Cabo San Lucas residents and exploiting all their local resources, Chi Psi brother Mag …
BREAKING: The Free Peach Under Investigation By Federal Government
BERKELEY, Calif. — Since President Trump’s inauguration, academic and journalistic institutions have been repeatedly attacked for failing to comply with the new administration’s expectations. While …
Making the Founders Proud! University of California Changes Hiring Policy to “Whites Only”
OAKLAND – After enacting a ban on diversity related statements in their hiring process, the University of California administration has announced that, in order to …
ICE-UD? Trump to Install Immigration Checkpoints at the Cervix
WASHINGTON, D.C.—In response to legal pushback against his executive order ending birthright citizenship, President Trump has issued a new order installing immigration checkpoints at the …
Pope Gives Up Breathing for Lent
BERKELEY, Calif.– After a drunk cig outside Tap Haus last week, Pope Francis has taken a break from breathing as a serious sacrifice for Lent, …
White Guy a Little Too Excited About Being Invited to Holi
BERKELEY, Calif.– Local white guy and self-proclaimed “citizen of the world” Zeke Bleak joyfully accepted a reluctant invitation to ISA’s Holi celebration. Following the invitation …
A Mid-Semester Night’s Dream? Devastated Girl Wakes Up to Find Her Boyfriend Is Still an Ass
BERKELEY, Calif. – The Tang Center has been experiencing a spike in calls to their emergency phone line the past two weeks, the latest from …