BERKELEY, Calif. – As of 10:00 AM Thursday morning, Michael Josh’s stepbrother and UC President, Michael Drake, approved the unnaming of Moses Hall – citing …
Awkward: Robert Reich Just Revealed How Shitty Your Essay was to his One Million Twitter Followers
“In all my years of teaching, and being an advisor to President Obama, and being an advisor to President Clinton, and to Carter, Lincoln, Washington, one, two, skip a few, and finally Lucy the Ape, I have never seen a policy memo this insulting!” the esteemed Professor Reich wrote, “which makes sense, given that my GSIs are the ones who usually grade everything.”
BREAKING: Everyone in This Lecture Hall Saw You Trip When You Got Into Your Seat and We All Thought It Was Super Embarrassing and We Will All Remember It for the Rest of the Semester
“I had a huuuge crush on this person for the first week of class,” Sophomore Isaac Newton reports. “They were really hot, endlessly cool, and seemed like they could never make such a silly mistake as tripping on the backpack that the person next to them left in the middle of the fucking row, for some reason. But they did! And now I’m so glad that I will never approach them or compliment them or include them in the thousand-person group chat we have that shares all of the correct answers to every homework assignment.”
The Disgusting Truth: bCourses Confetti From Assignment Submission Not Compostable
In an age of increasing global climate catastrophe, environmental destruction, mass extinction, and degradation of human health, you’d think that the University of California, Berkeley …
Opinion: Where The Fuck is Barker?
The semester started like every other: I swear that I’ll go to lecture. I miss my bus that was seven minutes late. I curse fate for inhibiting learning that I truly value and show up for. I pull up CalCentral 10 minutes before class to make sure all my classes are in Dwinelle like usual. That is, until I see it: Rhetoric-103B, Barker 101.
Savant Junior Who ‘Has a Lot of AP Credits’ and Is Graduating Early Crowned ‘World’s Smartest Man’
While a well-deserved victory and recognition of Biggs’ gargantuan achievements, the title isn’t an effortless one to bear — without continually letting all of his peers know his unit count and test scores, Biggs might risk losing his award.
Professor Outraged: Disabled Student Stuck in Elevator Doesn’t Even Show Up for Class
BERKELEY, Calif. – In a brazen move, CED junior Clarisa Flores has missed the first two weeks of classes after getting trapped in Wheeler’s elevator, …
SUPERB Updates Crowd Control Measures by Promising That All Future Performances Will Only Feature Nickelback
BERKELEY, Calif.— Following a severe failure at crowd control during their Soulja Boy concert last Friday, ASUC SUPERB has promised to update their crowd control …
INVESTIGATION: Does SUPERB Know About Our Massive Outdoor Greek Theater?
BERKELEY, Calif.– Following Friday’s horrific Soulja Boy crowd-crush, many among the student body have raised serious questions surrounding the planning of the concert. With Pauley …
Soulja Boy to Release 15 Minute Set List for Superb Extravaganza
BERKELEY, Calif. — Cal students were overjoyed this morning as leaked set list for Soulja Boy revealed his concert will consist of “Kiss Me Through …