When administrators decided to move the UC Berkeley faculty and student body towards “remote learning” in this last month, many obstacles were expected. While …
Carol Christ Consults Ouija Board to Make Decision About Graduation
BERKELEY, Calif.— Chancellor Carol Christ of the University of California, Berkeley, recently consulted a ouija board to make a decision about the institution’s upcoming graduation …
Cal Zero Waste 2020 Finally Succeeds After Students Abandon Campus Amidst COVID-19
BERKELEY, Calif.— “We finally did it!” The heads of Cal Zero Waste 2020 have declared victory. Zero waste has finally been achieved. I recently had …
Berkeley Linguists Discover Hypothetical Second Response to Being Asked “How Are You?”
BERKELEY, Calif. – A research team at the UC Berkeley Department of Linguistics released a watershed report early Friday morning positing the existence of a …
Former ASUC Senator Milton Zerman Pursues Podcast Career with Ben Shapiro
ASUC Senator Milton Zerman resigned from the ASUC at their last senate meeting, February 19th, 2020. While his resignation will not be made official until …
I Went All the Way Out to Office Hours but There Wasn’t Even Sexual Tension Between Me and My GSI
So you go to office hours. You go, ready to see four months of buildup come to fruition.
Berkeley Goggles Upgraded to Blindfold
As soon as they arrive on campus, Berkeley freshmen adorn their faces with a pair of Berkeley goggles. Berkeley goggles are a visual enhancement feature unique to Cal, designed to elevate the perceived attractiveness of one’s peers.
BREAKING: 30-50 Feral Hogs are rushing Cal Sororities. Will They Be Able to Defend Themselves?
However, many have questioned whether the threat of the hogs exists at all, as GreekRank has reportedly “routinely misrepresented” houses in the past.
SHOCKING: Your Next 20 ASUC Senators Exposed
This past weekend, the fate of Berkeley was greatly impacted. Twenty eager candidates who are going to take bold strides and truly improve their resumes …