BERKELEY, Calif. — Aspiring Public Policy minor Buster Hyman was in for a rude awakening Saturday, as they were awoken rudely to the incessant sound of text notifications, alerting them to the fact that Wealth and Poverty Professor Robert Reich shared their shitty, shitty public policy memo to his horde of Twitter followers, sources following Reich’s Twitter report.   

“In all my years of teaching, and being an advisor to President Obama, and being an advisor to President Clinton, and to Carter, Lincoln, Washington, one, two, skip a few, and finally Lucy the Ape, I have never seen a policy memo this insulting!” the esteemed Professor Reich wrote, “which makes sense, given that my GSIs are the ones who usually grade everything.”

Hyman couldn’t wrap their head around what they could have possibly done wrong in the memo, as they went to each of the 58 GSIs’ office hours for the 600 person class. 

“We are seeing the effects of the GOP’s education budget cuts in real time!” Reich continued in a thread following his first tweet, sharing a snippet of Hyman’s essay, opting for a photo of his computer screen rather than an actual screenshot.

Other students echo Hyman’s plight, citing trouble with assignment grades and struggling to get in touch with the very professor that teaches the class. 

“I tried going to his office hours to review my own policy memo, but when I got there, he was in the middle of filming a neatly edited clip segment for his Instagram account,” junior Tiana Dorpfhoggle reported. “When I tried asking if now was a bad time, he told me ‘GET OUT! I gotta post to the grid!’”

On top of his extensive career, Reich is notable for his impressive social media Influencer status.

“By censoring journalists, promoting misinformation, doing nothing to quell the droves of spam bots, and boosting accounts spewing racist ooze, Elon Musk’s irresponsible egotism is single-handedly ruining this app, which is why I have decided to move to Mastodon!” Reich tweeted, adding, “but, no, I will not actually be deleting my Twitter account.” 

When reached out for comment, all Reich had to say on the matter was ‘ratio.’

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