BERKELEY, Calif. – Following an abnormal snowfall in Tilden Park early Friday morning, Lawrence National Lab has come forth in a statement to confess their involvement:

“We were playing around with the weather machine (which, officially,  we definitely do not have, and does not exist, and was not funded by a donation by Robert Haas) and may have inadvertently caused a snowstorm. Our leading climatologists and weather technicians, comprising our Council of Climate Kinetics (which we can neither confirm nor deny the existence of), were convinced that the camouflage provided by the thunderstorm last night would be sufficient to test their weather machine operations. However, an abnormally strong gust of wind originating, as our top scientists have deduced, in that little tunnel on the East side of the Social Sciences Building, may (or may not) have blown our trajectory off-course and led to the localized dusting.” 

Upon further investigation, the Council of Climate Kinetics’ chief climatologist, Dr. Herb San Spisas, agreed to an interview for the Daily Cal. An excerpt from their transcript included the following:

REPORTER: Dr. San Spisas, do you have any justification for this slapstick science?

SAN SPISAS: Well, we wanted to give the kids a snow-day. But just between you and I, I dropped my Twix right before firing the machine, and as I bent down to pick it up, I knocked the barrel of the weather machine with my butt – next thing you know, the machine is localizing a snowstorm right above Tilden, which really sucks because I was planning on riding the merry-go-round in the morning. 

At press time, the California Parks Service is petitioning UC Berkeley to “just have a little bit of that weather machine” in “the area right over the Hollywood Sign. Imagine the Ski Resort we could build.”

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