OAKLAND, Calif. – In response to Governor Newsom’s new state transportation budget, AC Transit has announced a plan to reduce operating costs. 

“We recognize that an increasingly fraught economy means we’re going to have to tighten the belt,” the memo began. “Consequently, our new directive is to make the most of what we’ve got. In turn, we’ve hired (as unpaid interns, of course) a team of the 165 best junior engineering students in Berkeley to weld together some old vehicles and produce a sleek solution for modern transportation: a 31-decker bus.”

In a follow-up press conference, puzzled journalists scrambled for details on the new policy. Daily Cal reporter Jordan Michaels was selected first to address the AC Transit spokesman.

“On behalf of the many regular riders of the Bay’s bus system,” began Michaels, “I was wondering if you would mind speaking on the efficacy and logistics of this plan?”

“Certainly,” explained the spokesperson. “This plan is exceedingly simple, especially for the passenger public. Let me take you through the average commute on our new skyscraper buses; first, once the bus stops you take the attached window-washer elevator up the side until you reach the desired tier. Make sure to tap your ClipperCard! Then, the bus will begin its route, starting at the former Northernmost line in Tara Hills, and ending in the former Southernmost line in Milpitas. To get off, simply pull the cord, wait for the bus to stop, and descend all 31 layers in an orderly fashion.” 

“What inspired this concept?” posited Berkeleyside correspondent Dan Ews. 

“Simple: have you ever heard of Britain?” Responded the spokesman. “I know, I just found out about it a week ago. Apparently, they have buses that have two levels. We figure that this must be the most efficient mode of transit design – vertical integration – and consequently decided to adapt this model for a more ‘American design.’ In essence, we enlarged the concept to a score-and-a-half layered transport.”

At press time, BART announced that it was “seriously considering designs” regarding “putting all the railcars on one big loop like a model train set.”

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.