LOS ANGELES — The long-running SAG-AFTRA strike took a turn for the worse last Wednesday when Hollywood starlet Nemo the clownfish was found dead in the basement of UCLA’s Tau Kappa Epsilon fraternity. 

“We are still in absolute shock,” declared Chapter President James Reidy. “We are fully cooperating with the authorities and if we had known that the fish we forced our pledge to eat was Nemo, we would have forced him to eat a different fish.”

Nemo’s refusal to cross the picket line in solidarity with writers everywhere caused his whereabouts to become unknown and the actor to once again be in need of finding. Sadly, rather than find himself in the clutches of a brace-faced tween, Nemo resurfaced at TKE’s annual “sushi night.” 

“In the wake of this tragedy, we would like to announce the following, effective immediately,” began Jim Morris, President of Pixar Animation, revealing the studio’s plans moving forward at a press conference Friday evening. “All current and future projects are indefinitely postponed out of respect for the life that was senselessly taken from us.”

Perhaps most distraught over the entire situation is Dory the Blue Tang, a close friend of Nemo’s father Marlin. 

“Yeah, Nemo told me he was going to a special fish party with his friends from Greece,” recalled Dory. “Do you think that maybe….. Ohhhh.”

Per Pixar’s announcement, Finding Marlin, the third installment in the Finding Nemo trilogy, has officially been canceled. May Nemo’s memory be a blessing.


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